Day Parole Application

Although Reg had violated the terms of his conditional sentence by taking drugs, and was now in jail, he was still eligible to apply for Day Parole, after 100 days of good behavior (or so they thought). 

In addition to filing a parole application with the Court, Reg also wrote a letter to the Solicitor General of Canada, whose response is in the image gallery below.

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The following is Reg's jail diary from the period while he awaited the decision.

 

November 25 (Day 29) - Conditional Sentence Revoked

Things’ didn’t go well for me today. That is why I’m still here writing this (I got a pen from Moe, at least I’m in good company) at breakfast. They took me to court and told me I wasn’t going today. So I called my lawyer and I did have to be there. The staff here fucked up. So they got me to court on time anyway (actually, if I had shut my mouth I could possibly have gotten this thing thrown out as it had to be heard within 30 days and today is the 29th day). The prosecutor (that prick) presented his argument (that I should be locked up) and then we presented outs and I made a statement myself which apparently didn’t help cause the judge revoked my conditional sentences and now I’m servicng two years less a day. My mother and father were there. My mother didn’t take it that well. [Janine] didn’t even show up as I expected (I took her off my visitors list today). I think her problem (my problem) in court was that we didn’t give the judge a case similar to mine to go by. I mean one where someone on a conditional sentence breached it and was given a short jail sentence plus completion of their conditional sentence. But it’s too late for that. I’m fucked now.

So we put in an application for parole. I could be out of here in 2 ½ months on parole to the Talbot House if things work out ok. Although I never wanted to be a parolee. But then who does? If I stayed in here and completed my sentence I would be out in 11 months, no strings attached. But I couldn’t hack it that long (new pen). So it looks like parole is the way to go. I’ll get more details on that tomorrow. The worst part of it is that there is no good time on parole so it will be until my birthday, June 25, in the year 2000. that’s a long time in which I will have to behave myself or at least avoid getting caught. I hope it doesn’t cause problems when I try to get a job. I might go back to selling drugs when this is all over if it does interfere with employment. I guess one way or another things will work out. I could probably sell drugs again because now that I’ve been in jail I have no fear of it anymore. Maybe this is not the place that they should have put me. But I guess the court believed that treatment is hopeless for me so here I am, sitting in my cell writing notes. I think that maybe the best thing that I can do with my time is to write (or work on writing) the book that I’ve always wanted to write. I think my life is an interesting story that needs to be told. I certainly have the time to work on it now. I only hope that I can find the motivation ….

November 26 (Day 30)

Well, I’m a long timer now, doing my bit here in max. but it really doesn’t feel any different. Plus ca la meine chose. Oui oui oui. Today was a day much like the others before it except this morning I filled out papers for parole and also found out my release date which is Dec. 4, 1999, that is if I stay in and serve my full sentence (with good time taken off). The only benefit to that is that when I got out there would be no probation or parole or any of that shit. It would be over and done with. Vinni viddi vicci (I came, I saw, I conquered). But, if I apply for parole I can get out on day parole on Jan. 25 (or thereabouts. That is a date I calculated myself. I’ll get the official eligibility date soon). In that case I believe that I would have to reside in a place such as Talbot House. Also, I would be on parole till the end of my full sentence which expires on June 25, 2000, my 34th birthday (quite a birthday gift. I think I would get extremely inebriated). Being on parole would be a big pain in the arse and also somewhat of a stigma. But how much time in here can I handle. I’ll have to make a final decision later. Hmmm …

We have a new guy in our unit, Jerry, who seems to be alright. He likes to joke around a bit which is good and tonight he rolled the rest of my tobacco for me which is even better (he was bored). Andre is going to trial tomorrow. It’s his second day of trial and he seems fairly confident that he will win. One way or the other, when he leaves here tomorrow, we won’t be seeing him again. It’ll be different not having him around.. I’ve come to enjoy his company and I especially like getting him ‘’riled up”, aggravated, but in a playful way. If he gets convicted, he’ll be going to the pen (across the puddle) and if he doesn’t, he’ll be going back to Toronto. I have his number so I hope to get in touch with him sometime in the future.

I had no visitors today, but I did get a receipt for 40 bucks that jean dropped off. I don’t know if she asked to see me (probably not) but she’s off my visitors list cuz I’m kinda pissed off at her. Maybe someday we’ll straighten things out but right now I don’t care whether I see her for a while. She’s told me she wouldn’t bring the kids in to see me anyway.

Jennifer is working tonight, bringing me pills like a good nurse should. I’d like to interview her sometime for the book I hope to write. I’m going to get started on that soon. At least I can make an outline and get an idea of whether or not I have enough subject matter to fill a book. I imagine that I can do it if I really want to.

I spoke with the teacher here about using their computers. It is possible although I won’t have much access from max. I would move to medium for more access but I’m comfortable here now with the guys in here so for now, I have no plans of moving. Stay tuned for more details.

November 27 (Day 31)

So what happened today? Well, I tried to get some more pills out of the nurse for ‘anxiety’, actually so I can sleep more. I’d sleep straight through till spring if it was possible. But she wouldn’t give me anything. She says I should find something to do here in max but she thinks I should move to medium. From there I would have more access to the library and computer room. I could also help the teacher they have since I am fairly well educated. Charity work; something I never considered before. Hmmmm. It’s a possibility.

But I kinda like it where I am here. Because the guys are easy to get along with, sorta fun to be around. I’d like to stay here for another month or so anyway. I’m thinking about changing my schedule so that I stay up all night reading and writing and sleep during the day. That would suit me fine. It would be nice if I could get some kind of writing table in here. I’ll have to ask about that, and presumably get turned down.

Andre beat the rap today. He’s a free man. I haven’t heard any details but hes at Doug house for a couple of days before he goes back to Toronto. I hope we meet again sometime in a different setting.

Jennifer came with pills tonight. I asked her if I could borrow some psychology books to keep myself busy. I’m interested in sociology too. I must find a way to get some books in here. There must be a way. There must be. That’s a short term goal I’ll set for myself.

So I’ve pretty much accepted the fact that I’m going to be here for a while. I’ll just have to make the best of it. Hopefully I can get a start on the book idea I’ve had for a while.

November 28 (Day 32)

I’m feeling kinda bored today; having thought about moving down to medium. The time might go faster if I had something more to do. I suppose there are more opportunities there to fill up the day. If they ask me to move I don’t think I would object. Except to eat, I never leave the unit here on most days. It’s too cold to go outside and there is nowhere else to go. Maybe drugs would help the time go by faster. Hmmm … all in all jail can be a boring place and I don’t recommend it. It’s not hard to live here but it’s a waste of my life – so many missed opportunities.

I called wayne this evening. It’s disappointing that I can’t go out with him for coffee or for a beer. I’ll be very happy when this whole freaking thing is over on june 25, 2000, my 34th birthday. I’m getting extremely drunk and stoned on that day, regardless of what anybody thinks.

The worst thing that may happen as a result of me being jailed is that I may come out of here more determined to make a living selling drugs than I ever was. I have a resentment against the justice system now, so fuck ‘em. When this is over nobody is going to tell me how to live my life … but in the meantime, I must suck up as best I can.

November 29 (Day 33)

Sunday in Sleepy Hollow and its been a long lonely day. I was expecting a visit from Wayne and perhaps my mother but neither one showed up. How quickly we’re forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes.

Nothing to watch on TV but sports and I’m not interested in sports. I’m getting more and more interested in moving to medium. I’ve heard that there is five empty cells there so maybe tomorrow or some time this week I’ll be on my way. There’s not much to look forward to in here. Right now I’m just waiting for December and I’ll wait for January, and then ….

Some asshole in the next unit is banging on the wall and screaming. I wish he would fuck off. I think it’s Tyler, the village idiot. He belongs in jail but I wish it was some other jail.

I’ll be glad when this whole bullshit jail sentence is over and done with. Why did I have to get into this mess?

November 30 (Day 34)

This has been the longest day I’ve spent in here so far. I hope ther’s not more like it, although, no doubt, there will be. It’s time, I hope, for now to get transferred to medium so I can find something to keep myself busy, or at least a little bit more busy than I am now, which is not at all busy.

Leonard was here to see me today. I asked him to come and see me whenever he is at (Moes getting a bit annoyed at me because I keep bumming pens from him. Every pen he gives me is almost out of ink) the jail. Leonard comes out every week to talk to inmates who are into AA. He had some good advice on parole. According to him, I may not have to live in a treatment center, when I get out. That would be a relief ‘cause I’m getting kinda frustrated with the kind of atmosphere there is in those places. I find that it’s negative. A lot of the patients are phony but surprisingly, the staff doesn’t seem to see through them. In some ways, being honest holds you back. This reminds me that I should look up some statistics to find out what the success rate is. Hmmmm …. Perhaps I could ask Jennifer for help in this area. Hmmm … research for the book. Yeah.

I went to church here tonight. That was a big mistake. It reminded me of why I don’t go to church. I don’t mind to hear about how Jesus can save my life. If there was such a loving god, I wouldn’t be in this mess … actually the reason I went was to have a look at the girls in the female unit. This is the only place where the max inmates get to mingle with the others. Apparently it’s also a good place for passing drugs, but this was not my interest.

I was getting annoyed with one of the new guys in our unit tonight. So I took a time out card and the feelings passed. Now I’m ok. Actually two of the guys were getting on my nerves. I suppose that’s bound to happen in this place.

Tomorrow I hope I will get more info about parole and when I’ll be moving to medium. I must also find time to write a letter to Martin Jones and thank him. I am not ungrateful for any help and support I receive. I hope that others are aware of this.

December 1 (Day 35)

December’s here.  Only 24 shopping days till Christmas.  Today, I tried to figure out when I’ll be eligible for parole but nobody I talked to seems to know for sure.  For day parole you have to have served one sixth of your sentence which for me is four months if it is based on the full 2 year sentence, or 3 ½  months if it is based on the 20 months left when I came in.  If it’s the former then I am already eligible and if it’s the latter, I will be eligible on February 5, regardless of which it is, I will be here for about 3 more months, they say, because it takes that long for the paperwork to get done.  But I would just like to know.  Tomorrow, I will try to speak with [Supervisor] Trainer and hopefully get some answers.

I wrote some letters today (kinda foolish ones) to Steven, [Valerie] and Zeke.  The guards are going to think I’m insane when they read them, that is if they don’t think so already.

I cleaned up my room a bit today so everybody would stop ragging me about it.  I really don’t care how much of a mess it is as long as I can find my bed, but sometimes we have to put up a front, make a good impression.  It didn’t work well though; they’re still saying it’s a mess.

One of the guys, Tommy, got sent to Summerside today to go to court.  It’s more peaceful without him here.  He’s an ok guy but just too young and obnoxious.  Hmmm… Maybe I’m getting cranky in my older age, but hopefully wiser too.
December 2 (Day 36)

Well it seems that a transfer to medium is imminent.  I was kind of hoping that it would be put off for a week or so, until after my parole papers have been sent in, but both the nurse and the teacher have suggested I move so I believe it will it will be soon.  All of the guys here are asking to be moved to medium or minimum, well except Moe, that is.  He wishes to stay here a while longer.  Moe is a good guy to be doing time with, always in a good mood it seems.  He helped the days go by a little bit faster for me and made them more enjoyable.  And Doug is moving to minimum so our group here will be dissolved.

In a way this is a bit sad but I will meet new people and have new experiences and that is what life is all about.  We move on to another stage.  Hopefully, I will have more to do, or at least more options, and the time will pass quickly towards my release date, whenever that is.  I hope to get some insight into that tomorrow or surely by Friday.

Tomorrow is visiting day and I wonder if anyone will come to see me, although I am not expecting any visitors, but I have not spoken with anyone outside of here since Friday, so it is a possibility.  Hmmm ….

December 3 (Day 37)

I’m really getting sick of this place – feeling kind of alone and isolated today - feelings of despair.  How do I get myself into places like this and when will it all end?  No visitors again today as is usually the case.  I haven’t called anybody all week but why bother?  What can they do for me?  I did receive some money from my mother today so at least somebody is thinking of me.  We get forgotten quickly in places like this.  Such is life.

I spoke with [Supervisor] about my parole eligibility date.  He thinks it will be in February, but he also said that it takes about four months to get all the paperwork done so I may be here till March or April.  At least I will miss winter but this really isn’t the answer.

I didn’t get moved to medium yet but Jerry was sent to minimum.  I’m happy about that cause he was really getting on my nerves, always complaining that I’m messy, and, I sleep too much and turn up the tv too loud.  I thought we might get into a fight this morning when he tried to tell me I had to clean up the unit.  I’m not in jail for doing what I was told.

I couldn’t get any sleep last night, for the second night in a row so that’s made me a bit cranky today.

They tried to feed me liver for supper today.  I’ll never eat that fucking garbage, I’d rather chew off my arm.  A lot of us didn’t eat it.  You would think the staff would notice that and not serve it anymore, but … I don’t get it.

Well it looks like I will be staying up all night reading.  I am about to start “City of Joy”; it’s supposed to be a good story.  I have the book and I can’t sleep so I might as well find out.

December 4 (Day 38)

Another kinda fucked up day.  I was awake till 6 am again last night so I slept most of the day.  Looks like I’ll be up all night again.  “City of Joy” is a pretty good book so I’ve got something to do at least until they turn my light off.  I’ve read “The Pope of Greenwich Village” a couple nights ago and really enjoyed it – I finished it in one day.

Today I got my parole papers finished and they were sent in, or at least they were supposed to be.  Now the long wait begins.  I think I’ll call the parole office on Monday and see how long they expect it to be.  Anyway it looks like I won’t be going skiing this winter.  I might not even touch the snow.

I got a message to call home tonight.  I’m not allowed to call long distance from here on Friday night.  But I don’t know if I would have called even if I was.  I don’t know if they have anything good to say.  I really don’t want to hear my father say, “I told you this would happen.  What are you going to do now?”  Fuck that.  I think I’ll just wait till Sunday and see if anybody shows up.  I kinda hope [Janine] comes and they don’t let her in cause I took her off my visitor list.  But I’m not expecting her.  She’ll probably never even find out she’s not on the list.  She’s all fucked up anyway.  It’s not all my fault I’m in this mess.  Although, morally it is, I suppose.  But I can’t say she’s given me much support since it all began.  I’ll have to ask my mother if she can take [Valerie] in to see me.  Surely (?), I would be allowed an open visit for that.

December 5 (Day 39)

Another night without sleep last night.  I was awake till seven o’clock.  I heard some girls screaming and guards yelling last night.  I wonder what that was all about.  I lied awake all night thinking.  I was really pissed off about how [Janine] has acted towards me in the last ten months.  I don’t know what I’ll say to her the next time I see her.  Maybe I’ll talk to my mother about it if she comes in tomorrow.

I was going through my plans for what I’m going to do when I get out.  The latest idea, and perhaps best so far, is that I get sent to a treatment centre or halfway house in Ontario, either in Hamilton, Waterloo, or Toronto.  I would like to be in a smaller city than Toronto but not too far from the airport.  I might be able to arrange a job there through Ann, I should send her a letter.  If I was able to work there I could take the technical writing course part time. That would work out pretty well, I think.  But somehow I will have to spend some time with Steven and [Valerie] and get some things done with my cars before I go.  It might be best if I spent a couple of months in Talbot House first, probably as long as I am on day parole.

The way I was feeling last night I would have taken a valium or seconal if I had one.  That kind of scares me because if I was home I could easily get dependent upon them again.  And that’s not a good thing.  This is the first time since last winter that I’ve had these long sleepless nights and I’m not sure that I’m able to handle them.

I had decided last night that I was going to write some letters today to Ann, Sylvia (bitch), and Martin but it didn’t get done.  Perhaps tomorrow I can find some motivation to do so.  Perhaps.  I didn’t take a nap today so I should be able to sleep tonight.

December 6 (Day 40)

I got to sleep around four o’clock last night which is better than usual lately.  I hope I can get into a more normal routine next week.

I’m kinda disappointed that nobody came to visit me today.  I was expecting Wayne and my mother to come.  Maybe I should give them a call and see what’s up.  We get forgotten quickly when we’re in these places.  I’ve been pretty much out of circulation all year.  On second thought, I would say I’ve been out of circulation for years in a prison of my own making.  It’s funny that tonight I would get into something I haven’t done in so many years.  It wasn’t as bad as I expected but I have no desire to do it again.  I only hope that I don’t have to give a urine sample when I go to the nurse tomorrow.  I really wish I could get things together so that I would never have to fear a urine test again.  I know I’m making progress but I don’t know if I will ever win.  Plus ca la meme chose – the more things change, the more they stay the same.

December 7 (Day 41)

Never got any sleep again last night.  This has been going on for about a week now and the nurse refuses to give me anything for anxiety or let me see the doctor.  Even if I could sleep tonight, I probably won’t cause they put a new guy in the next cell and he snores really loud.  He’s in doug’s room.  Doug got sent to medium today.  It just won’t be the same without him but after this last year I’m pretty used to people coming and going suddenly.

It turned out to be an interesting day though.  I was talking to the nurse about my parole application and she said they were concerned about a letter I sent to Zeke.  They’re going to have a shrink come in and talk to me tomorrow.  They think I’m crazy.  This letter is probably the reason I didn’t get sent to medium last week as I had expected.  Nobody understands me.  Poor me.  Maybe tomorrow they’ll send me to the nuthouse.  Tonight I sent a letter to Santa Clause so that should stir things up.  Life is an adventure and I might as well enjoy it.

December 8 (Day 42)

Last night I was able to sleep – what a relief.  At breakfast (and at all the meals now) everybody was making jokes about me being crazy which I find amusing.

I expected to be sent to Hillsborough [Provincial Mental Hospital] today, but things didn’t turn out as I had planned.  I thought that getting sent to the nuthouse would be interesting material for a book if I ever write one.  So they sent the shrink in to see me.  He had the letter to my dog and also the letter to Steven (which was quite silly).  He asked a lot of questions about whether I could differentiate reality from fantasy.  I played along with him, telling him that my dog is the only one that I trust and evading most of his questions.  I think he concluded that I am not insane, but just a weirdo druggie.  And so, it looks like I will remain here.  Nobody understands me.  Poor me.

I called home tonight and spoke to my mother and Steven.  My mother doesn’t expect me to get out until next December.  I hope she’s wrong about that.  I asked Steven to write a letter to me from Zeke, then they’ll know I’m not crazy. Ha ha ha ha ha

December 9 (Day 43)

Today I hate this fucking place.  They haven’t taken us to the library yet this week, and now they say we can’t go tonight.  We’ve only gotten there once in the last two weeks.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here if I can’t even read.

We got some new guys in and every evening the fucking idiots watch wrestling.  They think it’s real.  And everybody thinks I’m nuts.  This morning I thought they were going to put me in observations.  Obviously, I convinced some of these simple minded guards that I am crazy.  Infidels.

Finally I got to see the doctor so I should be getting something at night to help me sleep.

I called Wayne this evening.  I asked him if he got the letter I sent him about 3 weeks ago.  He said that he never got it.  This is really pissing me off.  I don’t know if any of my letters are being sent.  If they won’t send my mail at least they should tell me so and give me reasons why.

Tonight, I wrote my first short story, a kind of silly tale about this place and the guys in here mixed with fantasy.  I don’t know what to title it yet but I like it and I’m proud of it even if it is silly.  I’m getting a lot of flak for writing to the dog but that’s ok.  At least they’ll know who I am.  Or will they?

December 10 (Day 44)

I must have fallen asleep before 6:00 this morning cause that’s when George (guard) came and woke me up.  I didn’t know what the fuck was going on.  I had to go to admitting and give a urine test.  I hope it’s clean cause if not it could fuck up my parole.  I hope to get the results tomorrow.

Today went by reasonably well.  They gave me back the dog letter and said that they sent Steven’s letter.  But I have yet to find out if any of the others were actually sent.  I’m not sure now what to say if I write a letter.  Big brother is watching me.  If I could, I’d try and set a record for most positive pee tests, but it really wouldn’t do me much good, wouldn’t get me out of here any sooner.

Another visiting day today and still no visits.  It would be nice if Doug’s friend came to see me but perhaps it’s not meant to be.  I’d also like to see somebody from Talbot House, especially Irene.  She understands me better than anyone I know.  I’d feel bad if she abandoned me.  I had to rewrite my plans for the parole application today.  Hopefully, it’s on its way at last.

Last night, I wrote a song, almost two songs which I’m sort of proud of.  I should put more time into writing. It can only benefit me.

December 11 (Day 45)

I left my pen downstairs and my lighter.  I just finished writing letters to Ann, Martin, and the Minister of Health.  I’ve been putting it off for a while but it’s done now.  Now I can move on to other things.  It’s not that I’m so busy in here, I’m just kinda laxy.  I even left the unit to go play some snooker tonight, which is a change for me.

The other guys were watching tv tonight so I didn’t see the South Park that’s disappointing.  At least we were able to get to the library tonight.

I’ve never heard anything about the results of my urine test so I’ll take that as a good sign.  For now.

Leonard was here to see me this morning.  He tells me that urine will be a week late getting back.  Also, Talbot House put on the AA Meeting here Wednesday night.  Some of the guys came out to see me.  I didn’t know they were coming but I wasn’t allowed to go to that meeting anyway.

December 12 (Day 46)

Another long boring day, neither good nor bad, just a long day.  The best thing is that I am sleeping at night.  Of course, as soon as the nurse sees that these pills are helping me she will cut me off.  I don’t understand her.  Poor shelley.

Maybe tomorrow I will get a visit.  Nobody has come to see me, except Leonard, since I was in court.  I don’t have much to write tonight.  I really didn’t do anything today.  I just lied around like a lump, as Moe would say.  If I could sleep all day, I would, for I am without hope.  Let’s just get this thing over with so I can get on with life.  I finished my book, “On  a Clear Day you can see General Motors” [by John Z. DeLorean], and tonight I start a new one, “Disturb not the dream”.  It’s the books that help me get through this.  Just to spend an afternoon in a public library would mean the world to me.

December 13 (Day 47)

Another weekend is over and a new week begins tomorrow.  I was at AA tonight.  I’m finding these meetings excruciating boring.  I have no interest in it.  The only reason I go is so that it will be marked in my file.  I will not be brainwashed.  I believe that one can stay sober without listening to that horseshit over and over again.  Just listening is bad enough but to believe that I would turn my life over to their god is foolishness.  I am responsible for my actions.  I will not use the concept of a diocese as a scapegoat.

I am thinking about appealing my sentence.  Tomorrow, I will make some calls to see if that is possible and feasible.  I believe I have several reasons I could appeal.  The prosecutor portrayed me as a commercial trafficker and that has not been proven.  Also my lawyer was ill prepare and did not present examples of similar cases (jurisprudence) she also did not accurately present my background in treatment.

I think that, at the very least, I should investigate the possibility of an appeal, what have I to lose?

Today went by slowly here.  Coming back from supper, spotted a newspaper from Halifax on the desk.  It’s amazing how much I looked forward to getting my hands on it.  I guess it doesn’t take much to amuse me in here.

December 14 (Day 48)

Today I asked about appealing my sentence.  [Supervisor] made some calls about it.  He doesn’t think so but he’s waiting to have a call returned from a lawyer.  I’ll find out tomorrow.

I found out today that I will be (should be) moved to medium tomorrow.  I have mixed feelings about this.  I’m comfortable here where I am now and am getting along good with the others.  But moving will be a step forward toward my release.  I will meet some new people and get some more freedom.  It looks better to the parole board if you are in med or min and getting involved with things to keep you busy.  Some of the parole officers come there to visit so I am able to talk to them, Doug is in there too so I can hang out with him.  I’ll be able to use computers there too and maybe help out in the library..

Tonight we had a Christmas party put on by the … Charlottetown Church Council, I think Ian Yearwood, my accountant, is a member and he was there tonight.   I was surprised to see him.  I had a brief feeling of shame and embarrassment but it passed and I went and talked with him for a few moments.  He was friendly and I didn’t get the feeling he was judging me or looking down at me.  I don’t really have much shame about my past but I am somewhat apprehensive about seeing someone I used to know.  I guess I should expect that because I did hit bottom in full view of the public.  But I’m better now and soon will be on my way back up the ladder.  The future looks good to me and I await it with pleasure.

They had Pepsi at this party.  I didn’t realize how nice it would be to taste something like pop again, there was chips, coke, cookies and ice cream for us as well.  All in all a good scoff, a good munch.

I noticed today that I will be getting Atanax[?] nightly now.  That is a major relief. I will be sleeping well at night again.

December 15 (Day 48)

 Today I got moved to medium.  I’m not sure if I like it here or not.  Max was … smaller.  You got to know people better.  Here it seems like everybody keeps to himself more.  This unit I’m in seems kind of dull.  There’s one guy here from Souris.  I never met him before but he seems to know who I am.  There’s a lot of people I meet from Souris who seem to know me.  I must have an interesting reputation.  Hmmm ….

Doug is in the other unit as well as Joe Gaugh, who I used to know in Souris when I was a kid.  I was over there playing cards for a while this afternoon (although, I’ve been told that is not usually allowed.  It was just that we had one of the “good” guards on today).  All the guys over there seem friendly and easy going.  I’m going to ask for a transfer when they get an empty cell, on Saturday as I understand it.

December 16 (Day 49)

Still getting adjusted to things here in near medium. We got into a game of Risk here tonight. The time goes really fast when we’re playing Risk. Also Iraq was getting bombed in real life so the news on tv was interesting.

The afternoon was really long it seemed. I thought the guys in my unit were kinda dull but it was fun playing Risk tonight. I was planning to move to Doug’s unit on Saturday but now I’m not sure. Doug hates it over there. He says its too noisy. He’s working in the kitchen and going to every meeting he can go to just to get out of the unit.

I unsure whether or not I could handle it in there. I like the guys that are in there but I don’t want to get into a situation I’m uncomfortable with. John Davis [my lawyer] called me today. I asked him if an appeal is possible and he says he’ll check it out. Legal Aid says it isn’t but I’d like to get a second opinion as I don’t have much faith in Legal Aid. I’ll just remain optimistic and hope that John calls with good news.

December 17 (Day 50)

Today went by fairly well. My mother was here for a visit this afternoon. She came late so we were only together for a few minutes. She was crying when I came in. It’s kind of sad how things I’ve done and what I’ve gotten myself into affects her. I just don’t know how I feel about everything. After all the treatment centers I’ve been in this year it doesn’t seem to matter to me where I am. I no longer have a home. This is my home. And if I wasn’t here I’d be in a treatment centre so I just don’t care anymore. I can’t get on with my life until this is over with. I have no money and nowhere to go. And there’s no hope of me having money or a place to go for a few more months at least. These are my circumstances and I have to accept them or else I could just lie here being miserable and depressed all the time. And that’s not how I want to live my life.

This evening mum and [Janine] came to visit and brought [Valerie] with them. It was really good to see her again. My biggest regret is that I haven’t been there to see her grow (and Steven too). [Valerie] looks very much like me. [Janine] and I make cute babies. I don’t think it’s possible to be any cuter than [Valerie] is.

Meanwhile on tv, the war continues. Iraq is getting a beating much to our enjoyment. It’s time for Saddam to die, time for an end to his tormenting of the world. Perhaps it will help to bring peace to that region.

December 18 (Day 51)

First snowstorm of the season today. But it won’t bother me in here. I wouldn’t care if the whole island was buried. I’m not gonna step outside till spring or till I leave this place, whichever comes first.

We played Risk all day today. It’s a good way of getting to know each other. The guys here are alright. I’m not going to move to the other unit as I had planned. Rob seems like a good fellow. He’s from BC and was into drugs out there. I’d like to get to know him and perhaps meet up in Vancouver some day. He has the same length of sentence as I do – 20 months. We’ll both be getting out around the same time, overall, I feel pretty good today. I think it’s more relaxed, a bit of relief actually, to be in here as opposed to a treatment centre. Nobody here questions my motivation for being here. I don’t have to suck up to anybody, I can just be me. It’s funny that I have to go to jail to find freedom.

December 19 (Day 52)

The day went by fast. We played Risk all day with some guys from the other unit (Doug from Max and Kenny). I went to the gym tonight for a few games of pool – eight ball with Rob as my partner. I’m going to the gym more often now just to get out of the unit. During the week, I should be able to get out to play with the computer if I can work something out with the teacher. Also we played a game of scrabble tonight. Noel was a good opponent – I beat him by two points.

It isn’t bad being in jail really. If you have some good guys in your unit, the time passes quickly. I don’t find it much worse than being in treatment except that I can’t get our of here on weekends. I can’t list too many benefits of being in jail but I can accept that I’m here and just do my time, ‘like a trouper’, as Andre would say.

Christmas is getting close but there’s very little to remind you of it in here.

December 20 (Day 53)

It wasn’t a bad day today. I slept all morning and most of the afternoon. We didn’t play any Risk today but Noel and I played a couple games of scrabble. I find scrabble enjoyable. It was a long boring AA meeting tonight. I really am sick of that shit now. How many times do I have to hear the same lines over and over again?

Rob was telling me stories about life in B.C. I’m interested in moving out there now. The weather and the lifestyle appeals to me. And the drug scene too. Somehow, someway, I’m getting off this island. If not Ontario, then B.C. is the place for me. An escape from winter. And from life in a small town. The geographical cure.

I didn’t get my sleeping pill tonight. I hope I don’t have to plead with the nurse to get them again. I’ve been sleeping well ever since they gave them to me.

Only five more days till Christmas, although that means very little to me.

December 21 (Day 54)

Christmas is closing in on us. Just four more days. No problem with medication today. The guard on duty brought it to me late last night. Just a mistake. Jennifer was our nurse today. A fine job she does looking after us.

Brian Smith from the parole office was here today and I spoke to him for a minute. He hasn’t gone over my application yet and so it might be another four or five months before we get a decision. But first I have to secure a place at Talbot House. I’ll have to call Irene tomorrow. I think she likes me. She should be in a good mood anyway at this time of year.

The Legal Aid lawyer called today and told me that my sentence could be appealed but it would cause my parole application to be suspended. I’ll have to call John Davis and ask for advice on this tomorrow. I should also call home since it’s been a while since I’ve called. Anyway everything is going ok and I’m one day closer to getting out of here.

December 22 (Day 55)

Time went real slow today, but I got some things done. I was talking to Irene at the Talbot House today. I haven’t talked to her since I left for Guelph in September. I enjoy talking with her. It seems like we communicate well. If I was under her care this fall maybe I wouldn’t be in here now. Unfortunately, she told me that I can’t get back into Talbot House for six months. She said she would be calling some staff she knows here. I’m not sure what about but, I know she will help me out any way she can. There is somebody who understands me. She also suggested I take some correspondence courses while I’m in here.

I was talking to John Bradley about that after she called. There’s nothing available from UPEI or Holland College but I got addresses for all the schools in Canada from him. So maybe I can find something of interest. But I don’t want to ask my family for help to pay for it.

I made a phone call to my mother today that really pissed me off. She heard that I was smoking on the flight to Guelph and this news has now spread through her family all across the country. She whined about this and that my letter to Steven was immature and about everything else I do as is usually how it is. I’m very used to my family complaining about everything I do. I wouldn’t even call [Janine] cause I couldn’t trust her that what I say is confidential. I just want to get away from the island. I will never live in Souris again. And I hope that I will never have to spend another night there.

My future is in Vancouver or maybe Toronto. I hope that things come together soon so I can get on with my life.

December 23 (Day 56)

Today was a good day for me. I just finished doing two weeks of assignments in math and English that one of the [guys] has to do to get his grade 12 GED. It only took me about 2 hours. I find the math very stimulating intellectually. My price for doing the work is that he will clean the unit for me tomorrow. We now have to clean the unit once every eight days.

I was at the AA meeting tonight and my father was there. I was surprised to see him. The group from North Lake came in to put on the meeting. I expected him to speak but he didn’t. I guess he just came to see me and check out the jail.

Also today I wrote eleven letters to colleges, mostly in Vancouver, to get info on writing courses. I want to take some correspondence courses while I am in here. I might as well make the best of my time. And I wrote two letters to the gov’t; one complaining about the air quality and the other asking for a copy of the regulations of the jail and the rights of the prisoner. Letters to the govt. are sealed and are not read by the staff. [Supervisor] Trainor came to see me and seemed concerned that that I was going over his head. I had a good talk with him about some concerns I have. I question whether they have the right to demand a urine sample from me when I haven’t signed a consent to give one. If a prisoner refuses to give one he will lose privileges. I want to see the laws regarding this. If no one questions jail policy, the jail will do whatever it pleases. I always question authority. I want to know why I have to do something if I’m told to do it.

I am bothered by the air quality in here. It is very dry and a lot of us are getting headaches. I suppose if nobody complains, nothing would change. So while I am in here, I will do what I can to make things better for all of us.

December 24 (Day 57)

Christmas eve. This morning I got a letter from Santa Claus. I wrote to him as a joke. I didn’t expect a response but he wrote back and said “there’s still hope Reggie”. christmas

I’m not depressed but it did cheer me up quite a bit. So much can happen when you write a letter. Words are powerful things.

We played some Risk and Scrabble tonight which I really enjoyed. Being in jail isn’t all that bad, even during the holidays. You just have to accept the fact that you’re here and being depressed and angry doesn’t help anything.

I called [Janine] tonight. I was hoping to talk to Steven and [Valerie] but I only got to talk to [Janine] for a bit. They’ll all be in to see me tomorrow anyway.

I bought six Cherry Blossoms from the canteen and wrapped them up as gifts (from Santa, of course) for the guys in the unit. I hope it makes things just a little bit better for them tomorrow.

Some people get a bit stressed out this time of year, away from their families. I just try to take it one day at a time and stay optimistic. Eventually things will return to normal for me. So now I wish myself a merry Christmas and go to sleep.

December 25 (Day 58) Christmas

Christmas has come to us, even here in Sleepy Hollow. I put out my stocking last night and wrapped up gifts and put one in front of everybody’s door. When I got up there was a new toothbrush in my sock and the guys were accusing me of giving the gifts. If felt good this morning. It was like the spirit of Christmas was here. I was remembering what it was like when I was a kid.

We had chocolate milk with our dinner today which was quite a treat for in here. Ice cream too.

All the family was in to see me at one o’clock. [Valerie] was very pretty, as she always is. I didn’t really get to talk to Art. I’m hoping he’ll be in by himself soon. [Janine] told me that Abigail is working at the store for the asshole who took over, that really pissed me off. I felt betrayed and I think I’ll let Abigail know how I feel. After I got back to the unit, I called Mike and talked to him for a while. He’s going to send some books I can use to study on the computer here. The time should go faster when I get to use the computers. Also, I found out that I can get some crossword puzzle books brought in. That’ll give me something to do when things are quiet here.

Two of the guys in our unit, Dean and Abby, got out for 12 hours today (TA – temporary absence). They seemed to enjoy their time out. I wasn’t eligible for a TA but I’m not sure that I would want one anyway. It might just be a tease and make my time harder. Anyway, I stayed here so it doesn’t matter. Christmas has come and gone. Now I await the new year.

December 26 (Day 59)

I’m just glad the day is over. Today is my 60th day here (he was off by a day ...). 42 more and I’m eligible for day parole although it will likely be much longer because of the paperwork involved.

I wrote two letters today; one was to the director of correction's.

I’ve been asking to see the Corrections Act and so far I’ve been denied or ignored by everyone I’ve asked. So I’ve decided to go outside the jail and see what happens.

I also complained about Gary T. asking what’s in my sealed letters, the second letter was to the Minister of Health. I’m complaining about the razors we use. We are expected to re-use disposable razors and store them together. I think this is both unsanitary and unacceptable. (response on Jan 27, 1999, from the PEI Government)

I’m going to stir up some shit around here and see what happens. They’ll either be pricks to me or want me out on parole as soon as possible.

I’m also going to put up a chip at AA and then take it down a week later to test the anonymity principle. They shouldn’t be allowed to ask me about what happened because what goes on in the rooms of AA is supposed to stay there. I’m curious to see what happens.

I didn’t do much at all today. I just did some crossword puzzles, played a few games of pool and watched some tv. I expect tomorrow will be much of the same.

 

December 27

Today went really slow being both a holiday weekend and a Sunday. I slept and watched tv for most of the day. I was thinking though that I would be just as bored if I was in Souris as I am here.

We watched an interesting documentary about drugs in Vancouver and then a gangster movie, Goodfellas. Since I’ve been in here my interest in selling drugs has been renewed. Sending me to jail was probably the worst possible thing they could have done to me. Anything I didn’t know before about selling drugs I know now. And I’ve found connections to get anything I want. I may be much more of a problem for the cops when I get out than I ever was. Anything is possible if I stay straight and use the knowledge I have now. Anything.

 

December 28

Long holiday weekend finally is over. Everything back to semi-normal. Well actually no it isn’t not yet. Tomorrow it is.

I was talking to Irene today on the phone. I don’t think I would be in jail if Irene had been there this fall. She is a very intelligent woman. And she seems to be the only one who understands me. It’s unfortunate that I can’t get back in Talbot House for six months, because by that time it will be too late to commit myself for three to six months. I can only hope things work out some other way.

I spent most of the day playing Scrabble, first with Abby and then with Noel. I lost a bale of tobacco to Abby. I don’t like gambling because it creates tension and causes pressure. But Abby only plays if he’s gambling.

Anne T. called here today and left her number but I wasn’t able to get back to her. I hope to get a few things done tomorrow (phone calls to home, lawyer and check out library) and send letter to Abigail.

December 29

Another day down; two more left this year. I look forward to 1999 and hope it brings good luck, prosperity and happiness, not just for myself but for all.

I called Ann T. today. She will be coming for a visit on Thursday which I look forward to. A chance for me to catch up on the latest news from the city.

I also called my mother. She will be in dropping off some books (from Art and Ambrose) and some crossword puzzles. I look forward to receiving them so I can keep myself entertained.

I read my short story, Spudcatraz (Note:  this is in the Writing Section) about jail to Rob today. He seemed to enjoy it. I wish I could come up with another one as my creativity pleases me. I hope that someday I can use it to amuse a larger audience, and, of course, cash in on it, although that is not my purpose in writing. I just believe I have a unique perspective on life that should be shared with the world. I just hope they’ll be able to understand the strange things that come out of my twisted mind. Some do, some don’t.

I’ve often been told that I should get involved in creative writing and I think it is time that I entered that field. Now that I’ve gotten away from drugs I see so much opportunity out there in the world that has so far passed me by. It’s time I reached out and grabbed it.

December 30

It was an interesting day in our unit. This morning Abby, Dean and then Rodney each moved to the other units. This was unexpected. Apparently Abbie didn’t like the nurse here so he left and the others followed. So I elected myself the new our new unit rep. I was just thinking yesterday that I could do a much better job than Abby. And suddenly I get the job. Funny how these things happen. So finally I am in control now. Things will be different around here. First the unit, then the world. So many plans to make. First, I’ve appointed Jimmy as my secretary and Minister of Recreation, Jason as Minister of Education(he has Grade 6), Rob as Minister of Justice (he likes to fight), and Noel as Minister of Fisheries (he’s from Tignish). On Monday I will present our demands to the staff or anyone who will listen and then the process of change begins.

I wrote a letter to Rockport today complaining about their moldy tobacco. It will be interesting to see their response. It would be nice to get some free tobacco.

The group that was supposed to put on the AA meeting tonight didn’t show up so our meeting was called off, which was a relief to me. The only thing I like about the meetings here is getting out of the unit for a while.

Tomorrow is New Year’s eve. I’m expecting a visit from Ann and a peaceful relaxed evening afterwards.

 

January 1, 1999

It is now 1999, 12:05 am and I must say that this is the worst new years I’ve ever had.  And probably the only one I’ll remember.  New years eve without drugs just isn’t any fun.  I was hoping to get some pills tonight but somebody else got them first.  I shouldn’t have waited so long to ask for them.  I asked about moving to another unit today. The constant rap music and remote-hogging is driving me crazy.  I told Rob I was thinking about moving and I think he convinced me to stay.  We’re in this thing together now.  So I’m glad that 1998 is gone and I ….