December 9

I got turned down for my Christmas T.A.  I’m disappointed but not surprised.  They say it’s because I breached my parole, but if it wasn’t that it would be something else; I’m getting fucked around.  So, since I don’t have to worry about a piss test anymore, I took my three valiums today.  It was nice for a change.  I think I’d do them every day till I got out of here if I had them.  There should be some more around this weekend though …

I had my medication changed by the doctor.  I keep waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep.  It’s frustrating because I can’t turn the light on and read.  I just have to lie there and wait till I fall asleep again.  I’m getting a bad feeling that [nurse] might try and fuck around with my daytime medication too.  [nurse] called Mark out of the unit and asked why his name was being used in some complaints (I listed him as a witness on my complaint).  I think she was trying to intimidate him into not getting involved.  She would say what was going on, but I’d say her disciplinary hearing might be coming up.  I’m so looking forward to that.

Lorrie’s lawyer didn’t show up today, so I’m so far unable to get my letter to The Graphic out.  His court date was put off till next Wednesday. …

I wrote a letter to Lawrence MacAulay today asking him if he could ask the parole board to speed up my appeal.  I hope dad can call him about this too … I took Anne off my visiting list and put Ian on.  I’m expecting him to show up on Sunday. …

My mother was here for a visit today.  She’s disappointed about the pass and my son will be too.  It’s hard to believe the administration here is so heartless.  Bastards!  Oh well, 3 months / 13 weeks and it’s all over.  Then I’ll be able to fight the system on my terms.

December 10

Sput just looked me in and he was amazed at how messy my room was.  He said he hasn’t seen anything like it in years, ha ha ha.  Sputs cool … Jason came back from Summerside without any pills (or so he said).  I was counting on him. Fucked again.

Mark keeps putting off his visit (it’s Monday now) so I’m trying to forget about it.  Too many times, I’ve waited and been let down. 

Anne won’t answer my calls so that’s another dead end.  I had a real craving for something today.  Its been a long, boring day. 

I was hoping to finish my tests with Sandy today, but he never came.  I didn’t feel like going to the library either. 

I’m getting fed up with all the obstacles they’ve put up to me learning French.  I feel like telling [Counselor] to stick it up her big fat ass …

I was really looking forward to getting high this weekend, especially since I found out I won’t be getting a Christmas pass (heartless bastards) … I got a new sleeping pill tonight (Dalmane) but the nurse took away all my Aterax.

I don’t think the doctor meant for them to do that but that’s the way it’ll be till I see him again on Wednesday.

Tomorrow, I’ll have 89 days left.  And I’ve got a feeling that this is going to be a long one.  Maybe I’m getting depressed, but it all seems monotonous now; same thing day after day, after day.

December 11

Playin’ with the needle and the spoon.  I got hold of a bit and I cranked my sleeping pill (Dalmane).  If feel pretty relaxed now.  Its been such a long time.  Now if only I could find some narcotics.  But no matter how hard I try it just never seems to come together (Jason was really guarding the fits.  I guess he figured I was hiding something from him).

Other than that, it was a slow day.  I called Rob and nothing is happening.  Ian can’t get hold of Anne.  Anne called here but as soon as I got to the phone it was dead and I couldn’t get any answer at her house afterwards.  Frustrating, big time, as Mark and Laurie would say.  The holidays are coming soon.  Things gotta change by then.  If I can’t get out, I may as well get out of it.

December 12

I’ve never wanted a weekend to end so badly as I did today.  Ian came out with nothing, can’t find Anne.  I’m really getting pissed off at her.  She’s so fucking unreliable.  I’m getting a lot of cravings lately.  Everybody around me is smoking hash all day and I’ve got nothing.  And every time I get closer to something it fucks up. 

I’m just getting so discouraged and frustrated it seems that nobody on the outside is really your friend when you’re in jail.  All I can think about lately is getting some pills, but I just can’t get it together.  Certainly not for lack of effort.

December 13

I’m getting intense cravings lately.  I think it’s because the other guys get [?] this past month.  I’m hitting my sleeping pill at night, I’m so desperate.  There’s a possibility that things might turn around tomorrow, I really hope so. And if I get hold of Anne, I’m going to give her a blast and get her out here, and there’s another possibility through Dennis …

I was told that [Counselor] wanted to see me today.  I suppose she wants to take away some of my good time for writing letters to Jolene.  [nurse is] such a cunt.  She gave Jolene back her good time, so she’ll be out on Christmas eve, but she expects to come back in January ‘cause she has to Lacy House and she doesn’t want to.  I can’t blame her for that.  I’d rather be here myself than in Talbot House …

Neils going for bail tomorrow and Mark’s getting a visit from Debra L.  Hope all goes well for both of them. …

I finished my personality test today.  I’ll be starting on the IQ test on Friday.  I put in a request for [Counselor] suggesting that she get a psychological evaluation, but Bubba wouldn’t let her see it.  I’m looking forward to arguing with her tomorrow and getting her pissed off.  It’s so easy.  

December 14

A day of mixed blessings, I suppose.  This morning Bubba told me that I was being charged for the letters I wrote to Jolene.  So, I’ve lost my phone calls for a week and I’ve two days good time suspended.  The rotten bastards.  They treat us like children.  I said in one of my letters that [Supervisor] is such an asshole that even his dog hates him.  I guess he didn’t appreciate that, the fucking prick …

I went to get some Tylenol from [nurse] and she was rude to me again, she says, “you wait in the unit ‘till I’m done giving out medication and then I’ll see you”.  And she insisted that I have to put my last name on my requests now, even though I’m the only Reg here and I’ve sent in a hundred other requests using only my first name, but the story is that she’s very sour because the Nurses Association investigation is in full swing, they were at her house yesterday.  We’re finally going to get that cunt straightened out and hopefully fired! 

Later, I spoke to a constitutional lawyer, Alan S., about how I can get books or newspapers in.  He gave me advice on how to file an application to the Supreme Court (which will probably appear in the newspaper) and he seemed to think I have a good argument.  I may also be able to seek compensation.  I will have to call him back about that tomorrow.  And I told him about my complaint about the nurses, and he said that he may be interested in filing a lawsuit on a contingency fee it looks like I have grounds for a lawsuit.  Yabba-dabba-do.  I also got a letter from the parole board confirming their original decision, so I guess I’m in here till March …

I noticed that Bubba was being a prick to me today; wanting me to clean up my room, wanting to know what I was calling a lawyer about, not wanting to let me call the lawyers referral service.  I thought Bubba was ok but if he is going to back up those arseholes, then fuck him too.  I’m having a feeling my remaining time may not be easy, but I hope that its rewarding …

Neil went to court today, but he has to wait till Monday for his decision.  Lorrie goes up tomorrow, but it doesn’t look good for him.  Mark still never got his visit.  I don’t know what the fuck is going on there.  And I’m tired of asking.  That’s not much I can do on my end with no access to the phone either.  I think it was heartless to take away my phone calls in the week leading up to Christmas, but it’s a heartless bunch of bastards we’ve got working here …

Tomorrow The Graphic comes out and I really hope to see a story about this place, and get the ball rolling.  The shits going to come at them from all directions in my last 85 days here.  Revenge is sweet.