January 19

I couldn’t sleep last night so I saw the doctor this morning.  He’s putting me on the immovane which, I gather, is quite strong.  But I hope its not bug juice.  I just need something for insomnia. …

We’ve got a new casework supervisor (another female, from the kiddie jail).  She was here this morning, so I yelled out the hatch, “does this mean [Counselor] is getting fired?”  Later [Counselor] came around and stuck her head in the door, and said “not only am I not getting fired, I got promoted.  I’ll be training the new casework supervisor”.  She had a big smile on her face, so I let her go without saying anything.  At least I shouldn’t have to deal with her.  I’ll continue my battle from the outside after I get out …

A new worry popped into my head today.  I’m going to ask welfare to get me a room after I’m out, but sometimes they tell people that they have to have treatment for addiction before they give out any money.  I don’t want to hear that.  No more bullshit please. …

I got a letter back from Human Rights, again they say they can’t get involved in jail policy.  I hope I get a response from my letter to the Supreme Court soon …

[nurse1] is being really nice to me lately.  She probably thinks she can win me over before the disciplinary hearing, she’s such a hollow bitch.  But now I hold a bit of power over her, ha ha …

Tomorrow is visiting day.  I’m hoping my parents will not come in.  Just let me finish my time in peace.  Only seven weeks to go …

January 20

I had a pleasant day.  Got some sleep last night.  The meals were all ok today (bacon, hamburgers, Chinese).  I found out yesterday that I lost 2 pounds so I’m cutting back on deserts and skipping breakfasts …

Bubba inspected my room and said it was ok, ‘cept for the books.  I finished one last night, “Numbered Account” [by Christopher Reich], which was good, now I’m reading one about the mob. …

Bill Loo left us some newspapers, so I read the post and then Burton Cummings came on so I stayed awake all afternoon (a bit unusual for me), but I took a good nap after summer till 9:01 …

Winston came back inn today on a breach of his undertaking, so I don’t know if he’ll get back out or not.  I’m worried about getting paid cause he says he’s broke and he was talking about taking off out west.  It might be a good idea for him to run off out west and transfer the charges out there cause he’d get a lot less time.  I’m going to try and give him the best advice I can and hope we can come to some understanding about the money owed, I really need that when I get out.  I don’t want him to leave me and then I’m stuck with a bad debt …

Jason said something funny today, he said he keeps looking at the dates on the milk cartons, “and can’t wait till they’re saying July”, ha ha.  We all have our own ways of counting the time.  For me, it’s 48 days or 144 more meals …

There’s a major snowstorm / blizzard on its way tomorrow.  So, I might as well be in jail cause I’d hate to be out in that shit.  I don’t have to go outside and don’t want to.

January 21

Snowstorm today, actually a blizzard.  Not that it makes any difference around here … It’s been a pretty rotten day.  I couldn’t get any sleep last night ‘till 6:00.  At lunch they forgot to cook chicken for me.  I called Ian this afternoon and he hasn’t done anything for me.  Anne’s not answering her phone.  The fucking asshole guards, kids, we had working this evening wouldn’t take us to the library.

Yesterday, [Guard 3] and Bill left us three newspapers but the prick (Dwayne) who was working last night took them all home with him, that itself was enough to ruin my day.  I haven’t really talked to Winston yet, but I get the impression that he’s made no plans to pay his bill, so I don’t know if I’ll have any money when I get out of here.

I’ve been trying to make some plans with Mark but I’m getting the impression that he’s full of shit.  I probably won’t even have enough money to get to Montreal when I get out, and I can’t see anybody at Welfare till the day before I get out so I don’t know if I’ll have a place to live.  I’ll be so happy to get out of here and then get off this fucking island.

January 22

Just another shitty day, last night I couldn’t sleep ‘till 5:00 am.  I’m really getting fed up with this insomnia.  And I’m fed up with the doctor giving me these dud pills.  This has got to be straightened out next week … Mark got his visit today, but Mark didn’t see Debra L. yet so nothing happened.

I was really pissed off about that.  I’m so fed up with this bullshit.  It seems so simple but they just keep fucking up.  I got Ian on the visiting list for tomorrow so I hope I can get this straightened out once and for all …

I was talking to Winston today and it looks like he hasn’t even thought about how he’s going to fix me up.  He’s hard to talk to but I’ve got to get the message through to him.  This has gotta be worked for when I get out and that’s not too far away … I took a couple of naps today (it’s hard not too if I can’t sleep at night), so I’ll probably be up all night again.

January 23

And another shitty day.  Ian didn’t show up.  I called him twice, but he didn’t show.  I think he’s into the pills ‘cause his voice was all slurred.  Debra L. is supposed to go see him tonight, but I imagine that something else will go wrong.  That’s just the way things have been going …

I talked with Winston at supper about getting some money.  He was resistant at first, but I think he’s starting to come around.  I’ll be talking to him tomorrow at breakfast …

It’s getting really crowded in max.  They’ve got the left unit closed to paint it.  We had another guy in with us today, but he got sent to the hole.  But I suppose there’ll be somebody else any day now …

My mother left a message to call home tomorrow, but I think I’ll ignore it.  I don’t need any more bullshit from them …

I’ll have to tell the nurse I need to see the doctor again.  I just can’t sleep at night and it’s driving me crazy … I’m down to 45 days now.  The end is approaching fast.

January 24

Another fuckup today, although I saw it coming.  Ian and Debra L. didn’t get together.  I thought it was Ian’s fault but now I’m starting to think it was Debra L..  I think she might be scared to get involved.  I can only guess but she said she called Ian’s house last night and there was no answer.  I find that hard to believe because he lives with his parents and it was Sunday night.  I’m just not sure who to blame …

We got another guy in our unit, Willy, Whip’s friend.  He got 11 months.  All the guys went to court today.  Mark got 30 days concurrent, but he still has charges pending.  Lorrie’s having a trial on Friday for possession for the purpose [of trafficking] on Friday, and, in my eyes, it doesn’t look good for him.  He got a statement from the cops outlining the information given by four different rats!  They’re all going to be in court (the guys here, not the rats) in February for the conspiracy charges …

Winston got out today.  I think I talked some sense into him, and he will hopefully have something for me when I get out … I was kinda depressed this afternoon but Monday evening always seems to pass quickly cause we get out an hour for church.  It’s only an hour out but it makes a big difference.