February 19

Well, my ship finally came in today. The long awaited and much appreciated package made its way in. I’ve waited so long but finally the wait is over.  But I only got 55 S’s instead of 100 as I had expected.  I guess Ian made a pig of himself.  But thank God, he didn’t touch the D’s, [Dilaudid] actually Oxycontone, and I find that they’re not as good as d’s, but overall, I am very pleased.  I did four of the oxy’s tonight and I don’t think I got the same high I would have gotten from one d-8.  these things aren’t going to last me as long as I had expected.  The rush was pleasurable but not even close, a slight disappointment …

I was feeling really agitated, anxious and just overall feeling shitty.  I’m no psychologist but I’m thinking that my hopes and expectations … [writing fades off into a scribble, as if he fell asleep or nodded off] …

I felt just like a junkie waiting for his fix.  M. didn’t get his package today, he was disappointed.  Somebody always fucks up somewhere, it’s inevitable.  I’ve probably …

Mark says that Debra L. would like to go to Blue Rodeo with me.  I’m going to have to put some serious thought into that.  Mark says its ok to [**] her … hmmm.  Could be interesting but it’s been so long for me.  It’s looking like I wonder if I shall go.

It doesn’t seem like I’m going to hear from Jolene so I have to [the writing is really slurred and hard to read at this point] … but I haven’t actually got anybody to go with so I’ll have to lay on the charm in the six days between my release and the concert.  I could take Wayne or Ian, but I’d rather find a female, it’s been so long.

… I’m starting to spend a lot of time thinking about getting out.  Its been a long long time.  And I’ve got to spend some time with the kids, making up for lost time. … After, I did some oxy’s.  Tonight my voice was no longer gone so I called Wayne, and he says he can pick me up at 6:30 am on the tenth, that’s what friends are for.

I’ve got some things to do in Charlottetown before going to Souris (zero tolerance).  [nurse2] the nurse is still here, but yesterday she was bugging me to drop the complaint.  Fuck, I could use a beer now … [indecipherable words] … well, I guess I’ll end this cause I’m going on the nod … only 19 days to go.

February 20

I stayed up till 4:00 am last night doing those oxy’s.  I’m such a pig with those.  It scares me.  I’ll have to be careful with them when I get out.  But it sure was fun. 

When I got up this morning, I only had 4 left.  I was hoping I could make them last for 2 weeks, but I’ve never been able to do that before, so I’m not surprised, but I am disappointed in myself.  I gave one of the guys one to hold on to till next weekend.  It’s not safe for me to try and save it.  I wish I had gotten d’s though; they’re a lot better …

I had a good buzz going today.  I’m glad that no one showed up to visit – that might not have went well … I wish that package was bigger but I’m just so glad that I finally got them.  I threw up a few times this evening, but I felt better afterwards …

I still can’t talk so tomorrow I’m going to insist that I see a doctor immediately.  I don’t really figure they’ll fuck me around because after all the shit, I’ve caused [at this point his writing is really messed up and he is clearly intoxicated] … but we’ll see …

Mark’s been setting me up with Debra L. for the Blue Rodeo … she’s nice looking … if she really wants to go … maybe …

February 21

Another Monday.  I slept almost the whole day, even went to bed early.  I think this is my bodies way of warning me to stop doing narcotics.  If I don’t do them for 3 or 4 days, I get sick from withdrawal symptoms.  If I stop after 2 days, I just sleep a lot.  But I wish I had more Serax.  I was expecting 100 but I only got 56, either Ian was a pig or somebody skimmed them.  It’s too bad cause I have to split them 5 ways, and I’ve only got nine left …

My throat is not getting any better, now they’re saying that  I’ll have to be referred by the doctor here but I saw him last week and he didn’t do anything.  I have no use for that fucker.  I hope I can get my voice back so I can tell him off. …

Church tonight but the girls didn’t show up.  I wanted to talk to Jodi before she leaves … I saw an ad in the paper where the Best Western rents out rooms by the month with kitchens, I hope I can get one of those. That’s more my style than some dirtbag hotel … 17 days left …

February 22

Sixteen days left and they’re a-draggin by.  I got high again tonight on Oxycontone (I had one stashed – saved, little peace for Friday), I really like that stuff.  The feeling is just so good that I may never be able to give it up.  I’m definitely eagerly looking forward to some more, shouldn’t be too long now. …

I slept all morning and all afternoon.  I probably could have slept all evening too but I just couldn’t stop thinking about the oxy stash.  Hope I can hold on to the oxy till Saturday.  Ian was supposed to send 120 S’s but we only got 55, that wasn’t much good amongst five of us.  Don’t they realize that it is so much harder to get here than on the street?

I’m getting nervous too that he won’t have my money when I get out.  I really need that …

I have to see the doctor tomorrow about getting a referral to the throat specialist.  I don’t know why the little fag couldn’t have done that last week, nobody cares around here. …

Mark may have set Debra L. up with me for Blue Rodeo, I guess that will be alright, maybe even fun … I saw an ad in the paper that the McLaughlin’s is renting rooms monthly.  That looks like the place for me.  But I hope welfare is not a problem.

February 23

I slept all day today thanks to the Serax.  Too bad they’re all gone.  And I’ve got one hit of oxy saved for Saturday.  I saw the doctor again.  He’s going to be giving me antibiotics for a week and then I see him again.  I think my voice is getting a little better, and the guys say it is …

I started Mark’s civil war book today, that should keep me going till I get out.  But every time I read it I fall asleep …

I think Debra L. is going to go to Blue Rodeo with me.  That’s ok.  I’d hate to go alone. …

I hope I can get a room at McLaughlin’s, maybe a suite, that would be cool.  Classy and downtown. … When I get up tomorrow, I’ll have only fifteen days left.  It’s really getting close.