February 14

Still sick today and it seems to be getting worse.  I can hardly talk and I got a ‘constant craving’ [reference to a KD Lang song].

There’s another opportunity coming tomorrow but I’ve long since learned that you can’t depend on anything or anybody around here. …

I brought Jason’s fit to him in church so he must have something that he doesn’t want to share.  Fucking dope pig. …

They sent a bunch of guys to medium today so it’s getting quieter around here now.  There’s just 8 of us, probably seven tomorrow … I was going to pass Jodi a letter in church, but she wasn’t there.  I’ll have to try to do it through the kitchen, I guess.

… tomorrow I must make another effort to secure Blue Rodeo tickets.  Whip says he can get me some but I gotta know for sure.  I can’t miss this … I hope I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.  It’s been so long …

February 15

Another miserable day.  I just can’t shake this sickness.  My voice isn’t getting much better and I have the sweats.  And I just don’t feel like doing anything either.  I was hoping for some relief today but, no surprise, it didn’t work out.  I guess the next opportunity is Saturday, and they’ll probably fuck that up too, just to be consistent. …

Ian has been ignoring my calls today.  My tickets are reserved till tomorrow and I’m getting worried.  I can’t miss that show.  … the final days are long ones.  I look forward to lock up at eleven, and hope for a good night’s sleep.

February 16

Well, I’ve reached the end of another seeming endless day.  I’m doing hard time with this flu or virus I have.  I feel like I’m coming off heroin cold turkey” cold sweats, agitation, anxiety, irritability and my voice is gone.  It seemed a little better today but if I don’t see much more improvement by Friday, I may have to cancel my visit with the kids …

Ian didn’t pick up my tickets yesterday or today and I’m really stressed about that.  If Ian doesn’t come through tomorrow, Mark says that Debra L. could pick them up for me but they both lie all the time …

I saw the doctor and asked him to take me off Serene and put me on Busparone, and to give me some sedatives for the next few days, but I have little faith in him.  I’ll find out tomorrow evening what he did for me.  I’d never to go see that infidel on the street …  All I’m doing now is killing time, waiting for Saturday, and hoping my luck changes …

February 17

Well, my throat is still bad and not improving much.  I can’t talk so I cancelled (till next week) the visit with the kids.  I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do that but … oh, well …

I still haven’t gotten my Blue Rodeo tickets.  Mark has Debra L. working on it.  She called Ian tonight and he was right out of it, she said.  I’m getting fed up with him.  Somehow, it’s gonna work out tomorrow, or I’m fucked. …

I heard that Jodi might be getting parole next week so if I don’t see her soon, I might not be able to get in touch with Jolene.  How come she never wrote to me?  Jodi hasn’t been working in the kitchen all week and I haven’t gone to church the past two weeks …

I got screwed by the fucking idiot doctor here.  I asked for sedatives for the rest of the week and to out me back on Busparone (which takes ten days to work) but he cut out all the Serax (gave me the Busparone) and gave me two gravol to sleep at night.  I’d like her to go back and see him next week just to tell him he’s an idiot.  He certainly doesn’t compare with [our family doctor] …

I’ve got rid of Byron (gone to medium) what a backwoods hill-billy he was.  Good riddance.  I hope we can keep just the four of us in here now till I get out.  It’s only three weeks now but the days sure are long …

February 18

This day (this week) seemed like the longest ever.  It’s the waiting and hoping for the package and also the flue and on top of that is laryngitis.  It doesn’t seem to be getting any better.  I put in a request to see a throat specialist today.  Haven’t gotten a response yet …

I haven’t been able to sleep all day but if I lie down under a blanket I get drenched with sweat.  This evening my cigarettes are tasting bad again, so I expect that this is not near over yet.  I felt like writing a letter to that doctor today and telling him how stupid I think he is.  He could have given me something to help me through this but chose not to. …

I did receive a letter today from the RCMP.  It was bullshit.  It was about the accident involving [my wife]’s car and the investigation found that the arsehole (Butts – ha ha) cop didn’t list me as the driver but at the same time he said that he had no doubt in his mind that I was the driver.  Obviously, he is contradicting himself.  What I learned from this (and I’m not finished yet) is that it is a waste of time to have the cops investigating the cops, it’s a farce.

… I’m sad but glad that I cancelled the kids visit for tomorrow.  I’m just too sick but I’ve only got 20 days left and when they get in next it will only be 12 left …

I have the Cowboy Junkies song, “A Common Disaster”, stuck in my head all day.  I like it.  I’m going to have some major CD buying to do after I get some money together …

A Common Disaster, by Cowboy Junkies:

    A candle burning for everything I’ve ever wanted
    A tattoo burned for everything I’ve ever wanted and lost
    I had a long list of names that I kept in my back pocket,
    But I’ve cut it down to one and your name’s at the top

    Won’t you share a common disaster?
    Share with me a common disaster
    A common disaster

    I found myself a friend,
    But he’s crooked as a stick in water
    So now I’m writing fairy tales

    To catch the spirit of revenge
    He’s got a plan to steal my little sister,
    But I’m not too concerned
    ’cause I will get him in the end

    Won’t you share a common disaster?
    Share with me a common disaster
    A common disaster
    Going to find me someone to share
    A common disaster

    Run away with me from a life so cramped and dull
    Not worry too much about the happily-ever-after
    Just keep the Caddy moving
    ’til we’re well beyond that hill

    Won’t you share a common disaster?
    Share with me a common disaster
    A common disaster

Ian did pick up my tickets today and I was greatly relieved to hear that.  But who can I get to go with me.  I’d like to take Jolene, but we’ve lost contact …