February 24

My throat seems to be getting better … I started on antibiotics this evening.  They’re not sure if that will help or not but let’s take ‘em anyway.  I slept most of the afternoon, as I have all week.

Mum and dad were in to visit me.  I told them I was getting out a day later than I actually am so I can have some time to myself.  Hope my jeans fit. … Blaisdale and Contian got sent to the hole for trying to set up a drug deal over the phone … I was having a really boring evening and then one of the guys came back from the gym and gave me an oxy which I thought he took himself. I was very very happy.  But my fit broke and I had to rig something up.  It’s pathetic to see but it works (although my veins are getting pretty tough …

Carlos Santana won eight Grammy’s last night. I was glad to hear that.  He surely earned them …

I think my voice is good enough that I can make phone calls again.  I’d like to set up an appointment at Motor Vehicles and call McLaughlin’s about a room, that would be a great place to stay. …

I’m feeling great after taking that pill.  I’ve got a hit saved for tomorrow and another one for Saturday.  That should hold me till Saturday and seeing the kids will give me the inspiration.  I need to get through the next two weeks.  I just have to get through the menu one more time and I’m outta here.

And Mark says that Debra L. will go to Blue Rodeo with me, that’s mighty kind of her.  Sure will be nice to leave although I feel bad about the other guys being stuck here all year, but I’ll be out there to help if they need anything.

February 25

‘twas a day of heavy thinking.  This morning all I could think about was the pieces of the pill I had hidden.  I had planned to save them till tonight or tomorrow, but I couldn’t fight the urge.  Those things really do get their claws into me.  I feel some withdrawal symptoms now and just a day or so.  What’s gonna happen when I get out? I can’t go back to being sick all the time again …

I didn’t feel like calling anyone today – put it all off till Monday.  Mark got a letter from the old man and he’s expecting to hear from me when I get out.  I had a few guilty feelings today about going back to dealing but that’s what I’ve done all my life and I can’t stand being broke any longer.  I am getting anxious about leaving too.  I’ve been sheltered for a long time …

Tomorrow morning I’m getting a visit from my kids, that should cheer me up but it always me sad when they go.  Ah, but it’s only 13 days now.  I think they’re gonna be long ones though …

February 26

Saturday, my second last Saturday, and holy fuck, it was long.  Every minute seemed like an hour.  I got up early (9:00) cause [my wife] was bringing the kids in for a visit.  It was the last one we’ll be having here.  Next time I’ll see ‘em at home in Souris.  The visit was good. [My daughter], so pretty, talked and ran around for the whole hour.  [My son] and her get along well. I don’t spend as much time talking to [my son] as I do [my daughter]] because she seems to be the center of attention.  I’m hoping she’ll be left-handed, that would make me proud or prouder, I should say.

After the visit, I didn’t get strip searched, that was a relief because I had planned to put up a fuss.  I just can’t take that shit anymore …

After lunch, I laid down and read and tried to get to sleep but I just couldn’t get any sleep.  Same thing all evening, some times I get so bored with tv, with everything and the fact that the tv is always on, that I go to my room but today I was restless and just couldn’t relax enough to sleep. I think I’m going through withdrawal just from the two pills I took this week and I’m so sick of that feeling.  It scares me that I could so easily get addicted to that stuff again …

Christina was working max this evening.  She’s very pretty and she always smiles and talks to me when she’s around.  I’d love to see her at Myron’s or some other drinking establishment and have a good conversation with her … I think it’s going to be very easy for me to pick up women this time around, they find me adorable, ‘specially once they get to know me.  Well, that’s my theory and I hope to test it soon. … hope I’m feeling better tomorrow or else it’s gonna be another bastard of a day, going on and on and on …