January 12

Went to see the doctor this morning.  Weighed myself.  190 pounds.  I’m really getting fat.  This is getting serious.  Must give up desserts.  I think also if I didn’t have to go to breakfast this wouldn’t have gone this far.  I never eat breakfast on the outside, and I’ve never been this fat …

spoke to Anne today.  She told me she had 35 but Ian only took ten. Was supposed to come back for the rest.  Didn’t.  Drank all my money.  Fucking prick.  … [my wife] was in to discuss the separation agreement.  We don’t see eye to eye, it seems.  She wants sole custody, full control and supervised visits for the kids.  I don’t believe the argument should be that restrictive for I have not and never would abuse the kids.  I think there’s a lot of changes to make to the document before I’ll sign my name to it.

I got strip searched by Chris, the newfie suck-up fag.  That pissed me off.  I always get pissed off about getting strip searched.  Fucking pricks … I asked [my wife] to bring the kids in next time.  She tentatively agreed.  I just don’t want or need the stress of dealing with my parents anymore.  I’ve had enough of being told what to do.  I don’t even want to spend a weekend there when I get out.

January 13

I just watched a show about Thin Lizzy.  I’ve been looking forward to that all week. I was worried that the other guys would whine but they were ok with it.  I love Thin Lizzy, they were good.

… I worked out something with [my wife] to get my fifty bucks back – buy some goodies with it.  I’ll be glad to get that off my mind. …

The doctor told me yesterday that he’d give me a new sleeping pill, but what I got tonight was Amytriptamine.  I don’t think they’re any good.  Maybe I should just have just left things as they were.  Guess I’ll find out tonight …

Anyway, I’m down to 8 weeks today. Still waiting to make the front page of the remission sheet though.  I’m thinking about calling Motor Vehicles tomorrow to see if they still want me to take the program if I can’t get a t.a.  it’s going to fuck things up.  I need my license back as soon as I get out of here.  I can’t handle getting stuck out in Souris with no car.

January 14

Its Friday, the beginning of my eighth last weekend … had a weird sleep last night.  The doctor gave me a new pill, amytriptaline, and it felt like I was in a trance all night, neither awake nor asleep.  I’m getting off that shit as soon as I can – it’s bug juice …

I met with Sandy.  We still haven’t started the IQ test.  He says he’s been busy, so we just talked for a while.  He said my mother called up and asked if I was brain damaged.  I’m really getting fed up with her interference.  I don’t want them trying to run my life and I’m not going to put up with it.  I’m sure now that I could never live at their house again, but things are so complicated because the kids are in Souris.

… Sandy told me that my name was mentioned at the staff meeting this morning, about T.A.’s but not much was said.  I’m tempted to say ‘fuck it’ if they insist on moving me to medium first.  But I’m not sure what to do.  I called Audrey M. at Motor Vehicles, and she says that the accident in Montague is still on my driving record and, as of now, they still want me to take the course.  But she said we could meet and discuss it if I’m unable to take the program in February.  There’s always hope, I guess. I just hope this next eight weeks passes quickly, and I can put all this behind me.

January 15

Another day gone, another day closer to getting out … Mark didn’t get his visit today.  He always leaves it till the last minute and, consequently, it always gets delayed. … anyway, I’m having second thoughts about doing any opiates  ‘cause I’ll be getting a piss test soon if they’re considering me for that program.  I’d hate to fuck that up again. …

I figure now that I shouldn’t have to go to medium to get a t.a. because the t.a. will be from Summerside jail, so it shouldn’t matter what unit I’m in here, at least that’s the way I see it ….

January 16

Glad this weekend is over.  It kinda dragged on … I guess Mark’s friend won’t do us a favor so there’ll be nothing happening this week.  The bright side of that is that I’m ok for a piss test. I’ll have to look into getting the t.a. this week. …

I asked the nurse to take me off the amytriptaline.  It was giving me weird dreams.  I think its bug juice.  She gave me an extra red tonight, but I don’t know if I’ll sleep because I slept a lot today.  That’s the best way I know of for passing the time – get as much sleep in as you can.