December 11 (Day 45)

I left my pen downstairs and my lighter.  I just finished writing letters to Ann, Martin, and the Minister of Health.  I’ve been putting it off for a while, but it’s done now.  Now I can move on to other things.  It’s not that I’m so busy in here, I’m just kinda lazy.  I even left the unit to go play some snooker tonight, which is a change for me.

The other guys were watching tv tonight, so I didn’t see the South Park that’s disappointing.  At least we were able to get to the library tonight.

I’ve never heard anything about the results of my urine test so I’ll take that as a good sign.  For now.

Leonard was here to see me this morning.  He tells me that urine will be a week late getting back.  Also, Talbot House put on the AA Meeting here Wednesday night.  Some of the guys came out to see me.  I didn’t know they were coming but I wasn’t allowed to go to that meeting anyway.

December 12 (Day 46)

Another long boring day, neither good nor bad, just a long day.  The best thing is that I am sleeping at night.  Of course, as soon as the nurse sees that these pills are helping me, she will cut me off.  I don’t understand her.  Poor shelley.

Maybe tomorrow I will get a visit.  Nobody has come to see me, except Leonard, since I was in court.  I don’t have much to write tonight.  I really didn’t do anything today.  I just lied around like a lump, as Moe would say.  If I could sleep all day, I would, for I am without hope.  Let’s just get this thing over with so I can get on with life.  I finished my book, “On a Clear Day you can see General Motors” [by John Z. DeLorean], and tonight I start a new one, “Disturb not the dream”.  It’s the books that help me get through this.  Just to spend an afternoon in a public library would mean the world to me.

December 13 (Day 47)

Another weekend is over and a new week begins tomorrow.  I was at AA tonight.  I’m finding these meetings excruciating boring.  I have no interest in it.  The only reason I go is so that it will be marked in my file.  I will not be brainwashed.  I believe that one can stay sober without listening to that horseshit over and over again.  Just listening is bad enough but to believe that I would turn my life over to their god is foolishness.  I am responsible for my actions.  I will not use the concept of a diocese as a scapegoat.

I am thinking about appealing my sentence.  Tomorrow, I will make some calls to see if that is possible and feasible.  I believe I have several reasons I could appeal.  The prosecutor portrayed me as a commercial trafficker and that has not been proven.  Also my lawyer was ill prepare and did not present examples of similar cases (jurisprudence) she also did not accurately present my background in treatment.

I think that, at the very least, I should investigate the possibility of an appeal, what have I to lose?

Today went by slowly here.  Coming back from supper, spotted a newspaper from Halifax on the desk.  It’s amazing how much I looked forward to getting my hands on it.  I guess it doesn’t take much to amuse me in here.

December 14 (Day 48)

Today I asked about appealing my sentence.  [Supervisor] made some calls about it.  He doesn’t think so but he’s waiting to have a call returned from a lawyer.  I’ll find out tomorrow.

I found out today that I will be (should be) moved to medium tomorrow.  I have mixed feelings about this.  I’m comfortable here where I am now and am getting along good with the others.  But moving will be a step forward toward my release.  I will meet some new people and get some more freedom.  It looks better to the parole board if you are in med or min and getting involved with things to keep you busy.  Some of the parole officers come there to visit so I am able to talk to them, Doug is in there too so I can hang out with him.  I’ll be able to use computers there too and maybe help out in the library..

Tonight we had a Christmas party put on by the … Charlottetown Church Council, I think Ian Yearwood, my accountant, is a member and he was there tonight.   I was surprised to see him.  I had a brief feeling of shame and embarrassment but it passed and I went and talked with him for a few moments.  He was friendly and I didn’t get the feeling he was judging me or looking down at me.  I don’t really have much shame about my past but I am somewhat apprehensive about seeing someone I used to know.  I guess I should expect that because I did hit bottom in full view of the public.  But I’m better now and soon will be on my way back up the ladder.  The future looks good to me and I await it with pleasure.

They had Pepsi at this party.  I didn’t realize how nice it would be to taste something like pop again, there was chips, coke, cookies and ice cream for us as well.  All in all a good scoff, a good munch.

I noticed today that I will be getting Atanax nightly now.  That is a major relief. I will be sleeping well at night again.