December 15 (Day 49)

Today I got moved to medium.  I’m not sure if I like it here or not.  Max was … smaller.  You got to know people better.  Here it seems like everybody keeps to himself more.  This unit I’m in seems kind of dull.  There’s one guy here from Souris.  I never met him before, but he seems to know who I am.  There’s a lot of people I meet from Souris who seem to know me.  I must have an interesting reputation.  Hmmm ….

Doug is in the other unit as well as Joe M., who I used to know in Souris when I was a kid.  I was over there playing cards for a while this afternoon (although, I’ve been told that is not usually allowed.  It was just that we had one of the “good” guards on today).  All the guys over there seem friendly and easy going.  I’m going to ask for a transfer when they get an empty cell, on Saturday as I understand it.

December 16 (Day 50)

Still getting adjusted to things here in near medium. We got into a game of Risk here tonight. The time goes really fast when we’re playing Risk. Also, Iraq was getting bombed in real life so the news on tv was interesting.

The afternoon was really long it seemed. I thought the guys in my unit were kinda dull, but it was fun playing Risk tonight. I was planning to move to Doug’s unit on Saturday but now I’m not sure. Doug hates it over there. He says it’s too noisy. He’s working in the kitchen and going to every meeting he can go to just to get out of the unit.

I unsure whether or not I could handle it in there. I like the guys that are in there, but I don’t want to get into a situation I’m uncomfortable with. [My lawyer] called me today. I asked him if an appeal is possible and he says he’ll check it out. Legal Aid says it isn’t, but I’d like to get a second opinion as I don’t have much faith in Legal Aid. I’ll just remain optimistic and hope that John calls with good news.

December 17 (Day 51)

Today went by fairly well. My mother was here for a visit this afternoon. She came late so we were only together for a few minutes. She was crying when I came in. It’s kind of sad how things I’ve done and what I’ve gotten myself into affects her. I just don’t know how I feel about everything. After all the treatment centers I’ve been in this year it doesn’t seem to matter to me where I am. I no longer have a home. This is my home. And if I wasn’t here, I’d be in a treatment centre, so I just don’t care anymore. I can’t get on with my life until this is over with. I have no money and nowhere to go. And there’s no hope of me having money or a place to go for a few more months at least. These are my circumstances and I have to accept them or else I could just lie here being miserable and depressed all the time. And that’s not how I want to live my life.

This evening mum and [my wife] came to visit and brought [my daughter] with them. It was really good to see her again. My biggest regret is that I haven’t been there to see her grow (and [my son] too). [My daughter] looks very much like me. [My wife] and I make cute babies. I don’t think it’s possible to be any cuter than [my daughter] is.

Meanwhile on tv, the war continues. Iraq is getting a beating much to our enjoyment. It’s time for Saddam to die, time for an end to his tormenting of the world. Perhaps it will help to bring peace to that region.

December 18 (Day 52)

First snowstorm of the season today. But it won’t bother me in here. I wouldn’t care if the whole island was buried. I’m not gonna step outside till spring or till I leave this place, whichever comes first.

We played Risk all day today. It’s a good way of getting to know each other. The guys here are alright. I’m not going to move to the other unit as I had planned. Rob seems like a good fellow. He’s from BC and was into drugs out there. I’d like to get to know him and perhaps meet up in Vancouver some day. He has the same length of sentence as I do – 20 months. We’ll both be getting out around the same time, overall, I feel pretty good today. I think it’s more relaxed, a bit of relief actually, to be in here as opposed to a treatment centre. Nobody here questions my motivation for being here. I don’t have to suck up to anybody; I can just be me. It’s funny that I have to go to jail to find freedom.

December 19 (Day 53)

The day went by fast. We played Risk all day with some guys from the other unit (Doug from Max and Kenny). I went to the gym tonight for a few games of pool – eight ball with Rob as my partner. I’m going to the gym more often now just to get out of the unit. During the week, I should be able to get out to play with the computer if I can work something out with the teacher. Also, we played a game of scrabble tonight. Noel was a good opponent – I beat him by two points.

It isn’t bad being in jail really. If you have some good guys in your unit, the time passes quickly. I don’t find it much worse than being in treatment except that I can’t get out of here on weekends. I can’t list too many benefits of being in jail, but I can accept that I’m here and just do my time, ‘like a trouper’, as Andre would say.

Christmas is getting close but there’s very little to remind you of it in here.