December 18

One week away from Christmas now, but it’s no big deal in here.  It was a boring day, ho-hum.  Mark got a visit but he’s too scared to sue, what’s the big deal?  So, we didn’t get anything.

I saved up my Serax and took my last Xanax, but they just made me tired.  It’s certainly not my drug of choice.  Tomorrow’s Sunday so I’ll get them to call Ann and ask her if she’ll come visit.  I’m pretty sure she won’t but I’d really like a visit.  I hardly ever get visits. I guess I don’t have many close friends.  Oh well.  I’ll get along fine when I’m outta here …

I talked to [nurse2], the nurse, today and suggested I might drop the complaint, but I’d like to hear Cindy’s side of the story first, it’s [nurse] I’m after anyway.  If she wants to treat me like a dog, I’ll make things miserable for her, and I don’t have to lie about anything.

December 19

I’m so glad this weekend is over.  I’ve been craving all weekend.  I have no phone calls so I can’t do anything about it and I’m losing faith in the other guys to get anything done.  They have smoke so they’re happy …

I guess Jolenes not allowed to go to church tomorrow because of me! … I’m trying to get Jodi to get her cousin to visit me, she looks good. … Anne changed her phone number to an unlisted one so fuck her; I guess.  What a fucking bitch.  I can’t get anybody to get anything done or visit me. 

At least I only have eighty days left.  I’m getting so sick of watching these guys get high all the time that I almost want to move to another unit but there’s really nowhere else to go.

December 20

I’m glad it’s Monday.  Mondays always seem to go by quickly, probably because Sunday is such a boring day.  Sharkey got after me to clean up my room today.  I must admit it was quite a mess. We filled the big garbage can be full of clothes, sheets, and blankets …

The Nurses Association called me this morning to let me know that the investigation is underway.  I’m still not comfortable about dropping that complaint against [nurse2].  I owe her no favors, and she shouldn’t be harassing Cindy anyway …

I was at church tonight.  Jolene was looking really good, but she didn’t really want to talk to me after.  I guess she’s got something going with Zack, that guy is a little rat.  I asked him if Jason got D’s in Summerside and he went right to Jason and told him I asked.  I’ll put him in his right place the next time I see her …

I hope that Jolene will keep in touch.  I don’t want to be her boyfriend, but I would like to see her when I get out.  But she says she’ll be back in soon because she has to go to Lacy House and she doesn’t want to.  It’s sort of a weird thing to say but I’d like to see her come back to jail!  I’m also trying to get Jodi to get her cousin to come visit me.  She’s pretty cute but she’s only 19 and I fear I may be too old.  Sometimes I wish I were younger.  I should have had more women in my life.  Women find me adorable …

I wrote a letter to Anne this morning and politely told her to fuck off.  I’m pissed off that she won’t do me a favor and now she’s changed her phone number …

Jason and I got into an argument after church about what Zack said.  I’m getting a little pissed off because he owes me $50 and he spends every cent he gets on drugs and when he gets them, he doesn’t share them with me.  But if I get a few pills, he’s my best friend.  Whip owed me the fifty and Jason owed him money, so he transferred the debt. 

I loaned J 50 to buy H and I got that back, but I didn’t get anything myself and now I’m stuck waiting for J to pay, fuck! I should have had enough money coming to me that I wouldn’t have had to use my canteen fund for a month but tomorrow I’m gonna have to buy more tobacco.

Oh well, only 80 days to go and I’ll be smoking du Maurier again while I’m sipping on a beer!

December 21

I got a letter from home today; some bad news, Max died.  He drank antifreeze.  Zeke got into it too but he’s ok.  I’m pretty sad about this.  I really liked Max. Pets become part of the family and losing one is hard.  Poor Max.  I’ll miss him.

… Everybody is coming in for the visit on Christmas, Saturday … Anne called me today from Toronto.  It was nice to hear from her.  I always like talking to her.  She’s going to send me a job application she found in the paper and, I hope, a Christmas card.  She’s always so cheery when I talk to her … 

I saw the doctor today.  He won’t increase my medication, but he gave me some Atarax to go along with it so that’s ok …

I sent Christmas cards to [my son] and [my daughter]. It’s so cruel that they won’t let me go home to see them, even for a few hours.  Fucking assholes.  I also sent a letter to Jolene just to say goodbye.  I hope she’ll write to me. 

Still no progress on getting any pills in.  I hope we can cause that would make my Christmas merry.  I was talking to Anne about using drugs or alcohol occasionally and she has the same views as me (fuck AA). …

December 22

I’ll be sleeping good tonight – 3 V’s and 3 restoril.  I almost got caught too hiding my medication under my tongue.  [Guard1] the prick told Chris to check my mouth.  I was talking to Ian today and nothing happened but there’s still hope.  I think things are gonna work out alright.  I also talked to Rob, and he didn’t get anything done except some Ritalin but that’s not worth sending someone to Borden for.  I wish he had gotten hold of Frankie like I asked him to.

Only two days to go till Christmas.  I’m looking forward to seeing the kids.  Chelsea sent me a card today.  That was nice.  I haven’t seen her in over a year now.  No doubt, I’ve missed a lot.