November 23 (Day 27)

Today I’m preparing for my appearance in court. I’ve written some draft copies of a speech to the judge. Tomorrow I will sort through them and combine the best passages. Words are powerful things. They can be combined in so many different ways to elicit whatever feeling you desire in audience: anger, pity, understanding, humor, etc. I will arrange my words so as to make the judge see things my way hopefully.

I just had a conversation with one of the guys on how to get fake identification. Interestingly, this information would have been useful to me earlier in my life when I was a criminal. Now I’m just a good guy, mildly criminal. No outlaw me.

Everybody here seems to think I will be set loose on Wednesday, and I hope their feelings are correct. Me would like that. It would be such a waste of my life to spend a year in here. I do have something to offer society. I am rehabilitated ok.

I called home tonight and spoke to my father. He didn’t have a whole lot of negative things to say which was new for a change. But he was talking to Pat, who told him that Dr. Jones, apparently, is not going to get involved. That’s disappointing. I guess I’m on my own. These are my circumstances and I must accept them, even if it means I have to spend a year in this dump. But I really hope that doesn’t happen.

So anyway, now I go to bed and tomorrow I wake up to what should be my last day here. Assuming all goes well. Hmmm.

Draft letter and passages to the court:

Attention is focused on mistakes I made rather than progress I’ve made. Yes, I did use drugs on 2 occasions in the past 10 months but there are also 300 other days when I didn’t use drugs. It’s those 300 days that I will draw inspiration from to continue a sober lifestyle. This is the longest period of sobriety I’ve had in the past 20 years, and I am determined to continue on this path.

I don’t expect to be excused for my action, but I hope I can be judged for what I’ve done right as well as, of course, for what I’ve done wrong. I am aware that my behavior has had consequences not only for myself but also for those around me, especially my family.

    … I’ve been using drugs for 20 years and I never expected to be cured in …

    … I now realize that what I did was wrong and I see that it could (easily) have been prevented.

Learn a new way of living

I’ve made (I have) many friends through treatment and I have a good relationship with addiction services. This is what will help me to remain sober.

I have had some difficulties in treatment. I feel that this is due to the fact that I’ve been ordered to seek treatment and so my motivation is always in question, unfortunately. But I firmly believe that my intentions are good.

November 24 (Day 28)

I really fucking hope that this is my last day here. It’s not that things are that bad in here but there’s so much I could be doing on the outside.

Leonard came out to see me today, unexpectedly. He suggested that I use my parents’ house as an address to present to the court and use the services of Souris Detox. I didn’t really want to go to Souris (or not be sentenced to live there) but it seems to be the most feasible option at this point. From there I could work on getting back to Charlottetown or even farther. Leonard is a wise man and always seems to have something useful to say. It’s funny how he showed up today with a solution. He also helped me figure out what to say before I went to court in May. Everything happens for a reason, as Leonard would say.

Brenda finally called this afternoon. I was going to rake her about not putting enough time into this but what good would that do me now. She actually has things worked out well, although she is going to have another lawyer represent me since she has another trial in Souris. She talked to Freddie and he had a lot of good things to say (thanks Freddie). He didn’t give her a letter for the judge as I had hoped but what he told her was all good.

She also got a call from Martin Dorrell. I was very pleased to hear that. I had been a bit embarrassed about the letter I sent him cuz I thought it might have sounded like I was begging. But it all went well.

Today everything just seemed to fall into place.

Reggie continued preparing for court on November 24. The surviving text below appears to be a more developed version of the statement he had been drafting the previous day. The surviving copy begins partway through the statement.

Draft letter to the court:

Your honor, when I stood before you in June of this year, it was for an offence involving the sale of drugs. I have not returned to this activity, and I have no intention of ever doing so.

The reason I am here today is that I have had a slip, a momentary lapse of reason. I took a pill which was not prescribed to me. I realize that I was wrong to do so and that it could have been prevented, unfortunately, that did not happen. I was aware that there would be consequences to such behavior, but at that moment none of that mattered. I was able to justify in my own mind, the need for that pill, despite all the negative consequences for myself and my family. This shows me how powerful this disease is. I will have to be on guard against it for the rest of my life.

I have had some problems in treatment, but I believe that my intentions are good, even though sometimes my behavior indicated otherwise. I have been using drugs for 20 years and adjusting to life without them has been difficult for me. I have been in treatment for 10 months now and I have used drugs on 2 occasions. But there have also been about 300 days where I did not use. This is the longest period of sobriety I’ve ever had in my life, and it is those 300 days that draw inspiration from to continue this new way of life. I am not yet and never will be cured but I feel that I am making progress.

I take responsibility for my actions. I do not expect to be excused for what I’ve done. I hope that I can be judged for what I’ve done right as well, of course, for what I’ve done wrong.

With the support of my family, addiction services, and hopefully the court, I will continue to progress in living a life without drugs.