November 16 (Day 20)

It’s Monday again. Another week begins, and I hope this week brings something good, some progress.

It’s really getting to be a pain in the arse going to breakfast. They wake me up and yell, “breakfast in five minutes”. I’d like to have time to wash my hair, brush my teeth, and have a smoke but every morning it’s a rush to the kitchen for soggy toast.

I finally got to speak with Brenda P. [lawyer] today. She really hasn’t done anything and doesn’t seem to know what to do. I have the feeling that she has not put much time in on my case. I asked her to call Freddy and to call Dr. Jones again to see if they can help out. Surely, they would help me out if she would ask them to. I just hope everything isn’t left to the last minute, and we don’t go to court unprepared. That’s my biggest fear at the moment.

Meals today are the same as they were on Monday two weeks ago. They suck.

I called Freddy this evening and got through finally. I asked him if he can help me set up a plan to stay straight on the outside (anything that looks good to the judge!). He told me he would come out and talk to me on Thursday. I also asked him if he could get in touch with Dr. Jones to see if she would approve any plan which he setup. Now I sit and wait, hoping for the best. My biggest problem will be the prosecutor – asshole is the word I would use to describe him. It will give me great pleasure if he is unsuccessful in his efforts, again.

We played a few games of Risk today, but Andre seems to be getting really upset when he loses. I think we may have to put this game away for a few days so that we can retain peace on our unit.

We got a new guy in tonight too, older fellow. He got 3 months for impaired driving. I’m seeing, since I came in here (and before) how closely addiction and criminal behavior are tied together. I think society’s approach to this problem is inappropriate. I think if more money were spent on treating addiction, we would have a lower crime rate. Interesting, as Doug would say. If I were in charge things would be different around here … but I’m not. Acceptance – page 449 of the big book.

November 17 (Day 21)

As I write this, some of the others are smoking something sort of … illegal. But I choose not to partake. It’s not as much that I’m trying to stay clean (or is it?) but hash is just not my drug of choice.

And while on the topic of drugs, I should mention the new guy in our unit, he is accused of armed robbery at the bus station Friday night. He plans to plead guilty on Thursday and expects to be sentenced to four years. He lives right beside the bus station. He went in with a knife and demanded money. He says that if the clerk had refused he would have slit his throat. This he did cause he needed (wanted) money to get coke. After the robbery, he went to a bar across the street where he was later apprehended. Four years just to get some cocaine. Insanity, I think. I’ve never been so desperate.

This guy was saying that he wouldn’t be afraid to rob a bank or fight someone twice his size. Since he’s been in jail, he has yet to call his wife and has refused calls from her. The only thing he is scared of is talking to his wife.

No Risk played today. I guess you could say it was a risk-free day. OK. [I love Reggie’s sense of humor!]

I used my one phone call to call Wayne, but Wayne wasn’t in. Maybe he was at the meeting at Talbot House.

All in all, nothing mucking futch happened. Vinni, viddi, vicci.

November 18 (Day 22)

Today is, hopefully, the first day of my final week here. As I said, hopefully.

I woke up around five o’clock this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. I have this reoccurring dream about a treatment centre. It’s not very interesting but it’s strange that it keeps coming back. It’s funny that usually I don’t remember my dreams but when I’m dreaming it’s all so familiar.

I was annoyed at [my wife] when I woke up too. I was going to write her a letter, but I decided I won’t take my anger out on her, at this point. But I think it’s time to throw some of the guilt back her way. It’s not my fault alone that we are separated. And I’m not surprised that she hasn’t come to visit me on her own.

Speaking of visits, tomorrow I am expecting my mother, Freddy, and Wayne. And maybe even Brenda too, this should make the day go by quickly.

Sid is going to be sentenced tomorrow for the robbery. His lawyer, or whatever, worked out a deal for four years (the prosecutor would ask for eight to ten if it went to trial). Sid seems to have accepted that he is going to prison. He has been sober for two years, started using coke last week, and tomorrow he goes to prison. I think there’s a message in that.

November 19 (Day 23)

Today is Thursday and, hopefully, it will be my last Thursday here. I remain optimistic.

I was expecting a visit from Wayne today, but I am unable to put his name on the visitors list until tomorrow because my case worker, Lorrie, is not here today and apparently no one but him can change the list for me. Why does such a simple thing have to be so complicated? If I was in charge things would be different around here.

I’ve been told that Freddie will be here to see me at four o’clock. Also, my mother is supposed to come here too. I am not confident that Brenda will show up.

Sid is gone to court, where he will be sentenced to four years. His situation really makes me think about how powerful drugs are and how severe the consequences can be. One week ago, he was sitting home in his living room watching t.v. and today he is being sentenced to four years in prison. It’s a real eye opener, as Andre said.

… well, we had chicken breasts for supper which was better than usual.

My mother came to visit. She’s kind of worried that I might have to stay here cause they’ll have no where to put me since I am supposed to be, technically, in Talbot House for 12 months. She doesn’t think they’ll let me live on my own, but I hope she is wrong.

Freddie was also here to visit me. He says he’ll write a letter to the court saying I’ve behaved myself most of the time, but he says that he can only state facts. I was hoping that he could give a statement saying I was doing well and they had planned to release me soon. I just hope that Dr. Jones can add something positive. I am really glad that Freddy is supportive and will still work with me. I’m really a good guy, but nobody understands me. Poor me.