January 31

Feeling sick today, this is not pleasant.  I’m stuffed up and my cigarettes don’t taste good. … Bubba told me this morning that they want to move me to medium this week.  I’m not interested but the choice may not be up to me.  Why can’t they just leave me be and let me finish my time here?

… I met with Sandy today.  My personality test shows that I’m fairly normal.  We started the IQ test too and I did really well in the first 2 parts of it – in the top 5-10% of the population, he says.  I’m a smart cookie …

Jason went to medium today.  I wish we could keep the unit as it is now.  As of tomorrow, I’ve only got 37 days left and I’d like to finish them where I am now.

February 1

I’m glad that we’re finally into February, my last full month.  Too bad I’m still sick though.  I was really stuffed up and found it hard to sleep.  But I didn’t take a nap today so I should be able to sleep today …

I’m kinda worried or upset about going to medium.  I’m quite content where I am.  Nothing was said about moving today but it’s coming soon.  Fuck.  Just when it finally looks like I might get a package, I gotta leave …

Freddy A. was here today.  I don’t know why I even bothered to talk to him, as Lorrie would say, “he’s a fucking goof”.  I don’t want to have any more involvement with treatment centres when I get out of here.  No more of that shit, I’m gonna ‘go my own way’ …

February 2

[Guard 2] was working today, and he told me he’d do all he could (“I’ll go to the wall for ya kid”) to keep me in max.  If that doesn’t work, then I’ll be going Friday and I’m not gonna be happy about it.  Other than that, it was a pretty bad day.  Ian left work early yesterday, so he and Preston didn’t meet.  How come this never works out for me?  I’m so disgusted.  For the past six months it been just one fuck-up after another.

And I finally got George’s phone number and its been disconnected, so I had to call [my middle brother] and ask him to get me tickets for Blue Rodeo.  He wasn’t home, [his wife] was.  She says she won’t put them on the credit card and if my mother thinks it’s not a good idea for me to go (that’s what I expect and that’s why I didn’t ask her) they won’t go behind her back and get them for me.  I’m going to have to distance myself from my family.  I can’t handle being treated like a kid anymore …  I was really looking forward to getting that package tomorrow … but …

February 3

I managed to get a few V’s [valium] today.  Small consolation for missing my package but I was fairly happy.  They’re not really my kind of drug though, mostly they just make me tired …

Debra L. told Mark that she might be able to get the Blue Rodeo tickets for me, that’s a relief.  I really want to see them, and I don’t have much faith in [my middle brother].  Dennis is out tomorrow and I’m hoping he will do me a favor.  That would really lift my spirits …

Dave D. brought in four John Grisham books, so we’ve got something to read for the next few weeks.  Thank God for that because I’m running out of interesting books …

There’s talk of moving me to medium tomorrow, but I really hope it doesn’t happen.  I’m not looking forward to that at all.  I’m now down to 5 weeks and I’d like to spend it here. This is my home, for the time being.

February 4

Well, Bubba didn’t send me to medium today.  That was quite a relief.  I should be able to hang on here till the end … I was hoping to finish my IQ test today, but Sandy didn’t show up.  He’s not very reliable …

Dennis called this morning and said everything was ok, so I’m a-hoping that works out, probably not till Sunday though …

The guys were saying I was right out of it last night.  I took 5 v’s [valium] and I thought I was fine, but everybody could tell I was stoned, that kinda scares me.  I’ll have to be careful about taking those things when I get out. …

Mark says that Debra L. will get me tickets for Blue Rodeo .  I hope so. Ian said he was also trying to round up some money to get them, but I told him to hold off for now.  [my middle brother] hasn’t called back so I guess he’s not gonna do it …

I’ve got a couple of newspapers put away for the weekend and 2 John Grisham books, so it should be alright.