Families sometimes recognize that something is wrong long before they understand what is actually happening.

That was true in our family.

There were periods in Reggie’s life when family members knew—or strongly suspected—that he was involved in activities he should not have been involved in. At other times, individual incidents seemed suspicious but did not make sense until much later.

No single behaviour proves that someone is committing a crime. What matters is whether several unexplained things begin forming a pattern.

Unexplained Money or Possessions

A sudden change in someone’s finances can raise questions, particularly when it does not match their known income.

Possible warning signs include:

• unexplained amounts of cash
• expensive purchases without an apparent source of income
• repeatedly buying or selling items for reasons that do not make sense
• possessions appearing and disappearing
• having multiple similar items without a reasonable explanation
• suddenly having money after previously struggling financially

There may be perfectly legitimate explanations. The important thing is whether the explanation makes sense.

Unfamiliar People Coming and Going

One of the things families may notice is a change in who is visiting or contacting the person.

That can include unfamiliar people repeatedly arriving at the house, very brief visits, people waiting outside, visitors arriving at unusual hours, or strangers asking for the family member when nobody knows who they are.

A new group of friends is not evidence of criminal activity. But unexplained visitors combined with other warning signs may deserve attention.

Increased Secrecy

Privacy is normal. Secrecy intended to conceal activity is different.

A family might notice unexplained telephone calls, conversations that abruptly stop when someone enters the room, unwillingness to say where the person has been, unusual efforts to hide possessions, or explanations that repeatedly change.

Again, none of these things alone establishes criminal activity.

Unexplained Trips and Absences

Frequent trips with no clear purpose, unexplained overnight absences, or stories about someone’s whereabouts that repeatedly do not make sense can sometimes be part of a larger pattern.

In Reggie’s story, travel between Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick, Halifax, Montreal and Toronto sometimes had perfectly ordinary explanations. At other times, we later learned that drugs or criminal activity had been involved.

The destination itself tells you nothing. The unexplained pattern is what matters.

Drugs, Packaging or Scales

Finding drugs may indicate personal use, but other items can raise additional questions.

Larger quantities of drugs, numerous small packages, digital scales, packaging materials, unexplained cash or records that appear to track money may suggest something beyond personal use.

Families should not try to determine the contents of an unknown substance themselves.

When Stolen Property Begins Appearing

This was something our own family encountered. Before one of Reggie’s arrests for theft, stereo and electronic equipment began appearing around him. Some members of the family knew or suspected that the items were stolen, while our parents did not necessarily know what others in the family knew.

Looking back, the important warning wasn’t any particular stereo or piece of equipment. It was the pattern and the explanations surrounding them.

Our experience also raised a more difficult question: what should you do when you know more than other members of the family? We discuss that separately in When Keeping a Secret Isn’t Protecting Them.

When You Know Something Is Wrong

Recognizing warning signs creates another problem: deciding what to do with what you know.

Talking to the person, asking other family members what they know, deciding whether to involve someone else, and knowing when safety should take priority can all be difficult.

See How to Talk When You Think Something Is Wrong and When Keeping a Secret Isn’t Protecting Them.

Pay Attention to What Doesn’t Make Sense

One lesson from our family’s experience is simple:

When things repeatedly don’t make sense, don’t automatically explain them away.

Ask questions. Pay attention to patterns. Talk to someone you trust when you are unsure what to do.

Recognizing a warning sign does not mean you know what is happening. It means there may be a reason to find out.