April 30

Things didn’t work out today; no word from Brian.  So, I’ll be in this fucking hole for another month.  Very disappointing to say the least.  But I was prepared to accept this, disappointment has become a familiar feeling to me this past year.  Nobody is in any hurry to help me out around here … I was able to meet with

Verna today and she gave in on the books.  She’s going to buy me NA books and allow me to have educational books brought in.  I think she was trying to placate me in case I got out today.  Anyway, it’s a good thing as long as I can get access to the library and computer room for max.  I think Susan is finished working here so I expect that to be difficult.  There’s always something to fuck things up …

I called [my wife] this evening and explained my reasons for not wanting to sign the agreement.  She seemed to accept my decision, but who knows what she’s really thinking.  … I’m better off without her.  Too bad there’s kids involved.  Somewhere out there I’ll find something better.