September 8 – Application for Parole

Well … I got thoroughly fucked by the Parole Board today.  My parole was revoked so I have to do two-thirds of the remainder which amounts to 6 ½ months.  Louis B. had nothing good to say, and although he knew that Summerside would take me back, but he wouldn’t confirm it because he didn’t have it in writing.

The worst thing was what my father had to say, he essentially said I was hopeless, I kept fucking up and there was nothing they could do for me.  I can’t believe he did this to me.  He chose the worst possible time to feed me to the lions.

Maybe he meant well but he shouldn’t have come in if he wasn’t going to help me get out.  If it was my son in jail, I’d tell them whatever they wanted to hear to get him out. Using addiction as a defense in court is the worst thing I’ve ever done.  I’m going to do 21 of the 24 months.  I could have been out sooner if I’d been sentenced to eight years in the pen …

On the bright side (if there is one), I won’t have to go outside all winter.  And at least for sure, I know when I’m getting out … It’s weird how I feel.  I am disappointed but it doesn’t really bother me that much.  I haven’t lived on my own for so long I don’t remember what it is like.  This is my home…

… John got his parole today, so he’ll be moving on soon … three guys got moved to medium today but not me.  I’m getting fucked around again as usual.  No surprise there.

I asked to be allowed to take a French course a couple weeks ago and I was told it wasn’t possible until I was moved to medium, but they won’t put me in medium!  Quite the place they’ve got here …

Larry, it seems hasn’t been home for three days.  I thought I could count on him but I guess that isn’t so.  If nothing else, I’ll learn a lot about human nature and behavior from all the people I’ve met in here …

I called Winston tonight and sounded kinda fucked up.  That’s not good.  Hope he shows up Sunday like I asked him to … Ann says she’ll come in tomorrow.  We’ll see, I guess …

Dad gave me pictures of the kids today.  [My daughter] is beautiful.  I wish I was able to spend time with her.  Even just to get someone to bring her in is such a hassle.  I wish I hadn’t mailed those letters to the kids yet.  I told [my son] I was going to be out in twelve weeks.  He’s going to be disappointed.  I wish they’d take them to see me more often.