reg's jail journals ... Sleepy Hollow Correctional Centre
Day 5 (November 1)
I awoke this morning feeling shaken and uneasy due to a dream (nightmare?) I had during the night. I chose not to get up and begin writing at the time, hoping these feelings would pass with a few more hours sleep (also I am low on tobacco and the best way I know to conserve tobacco is to sleep). I was correct and the feelings would pass and so now I shall relate(?) the dream to you.
The dream ties in with another one that I had several nights before but had forgotten so I shall describe the first dream … first.
In the first dream I was living at home with my parents. My brothers were also there so this would be at least 15 years ago. A package had arrived in the mail addressed to me. It was from my cousin in Montreal (who was murdered in 1993 – drug related, but I still don’t know the details). The package contained two bags each containing a different variety of hashish, 2 bags each containing cocaine from different countries in south America, and one bag containing ¼ gram of heroin, which was yellow in color (which is unusual). The only thing of interest to me was the heroin. I dumped out the bag, got a needle, and began to prepare a fix. Then my mother came into the room, grabbed the heroin and went to hide it somewhere. That’s basically what I remember of the first dream.
In the second dream, I was in a group meeting at Talbot House but it was in a different room than the one we usually meet in. In fact, the whole house was different. One of the councilors, Wade M., jumped up and grabbed me, yelling that I was the son of satan. He was holding the lid of a jar one of the patients had given him. It had 3 holes punched in it and beside each one of them was a number 6 (666, the number of the beast, in the bible). I had some sort of medallion in my pocket with 666 on it and it seemed that everyone was aware that I had it. I felt like I had been exposed, that my secret was out. I tried to laugh it off but inside I was trembling. I also feared that they would point out that my date of birth is in the sixth month of 1966. In the second part of this dream I was at home with my parents (again 15 years in the past). My mother was sleeping on the couch and my father was not at home. I was trying to find the bag of heroin that she had hidden. I went to the bathroom to check out the medicine cabinet. When I came out there was a note on my mothers bedroom door saying that she had gone to work. I opened the door, thinking the room to be empty, but I heard some noise. My father was in the corner talking to someone but there was nobody there. Then he looked at me and I felt scared like I had been caught doing something bad. All of a sudden there was a noise from the attic like someone walking. We went up to the attic. My father went in first and I was behind him holding a flashlight. I shined the light on the floor and there was a huge pile of fresh shit. Then I saw something moving along the wall. It was some sort of black dog like beast, about 6 feet long with many snarling heads and some sort of monkey like creature growing out of its back. It lunged at my father and the next thing I remember I was out in the yard screaming. Then I woke up.
What do our dreams mean? I had no recollection of the previous dream but it was very clear to me during this dream.
When I woke up I felt scared. I am locked up in my cell at night. The cell is about 8’ x 10’. The light switch is outside the cell where only the guards can access it. It was very dark and I felt closed in. I felt like there was an evil presence in the room. I wondered if I was evil or if it had been left here by a previous inmate. I am not a religious man but I began to pray. I attempted to say the “Our Father” but I could not remember the words (I have been to well over 100 AA Meetings in the last 6 months and they all close with this prayer but still I could not remember the words). O put my back to the wall so I could see the entire room and recited the serenity prayer until I fell asleep.
The latest dilemma(?) unfolding here is the sex offender in the next unit. Sex offenders are despised by other inmates. I’ve been told that in other institutions you would be shanked (stabbed) just for talking to one (“you might as well just stab yourself”). Usually they are separated from the other inmates for their own safety so it is unusual that they have put one in with us. There is a good deal of concern and anger amongst the inmates although I can discuss anything I have heard because this will probably be read by the guards before I leave (G – joke for guard symbol) can you tell how old a pirate is by cutting off his wooden leg and counting the rings?
Today is going to be a long day. I have run out of tobacco. The other guys will give me cigarettes but it makes me uncomfortable to ask (fear of rejection, loss of control?) I had made arrangements for Doug’s girlfriend to pick up my welfare check at Talbot House but they wouldn’t give it to here when she went to pick it up. So it’s hard to get anything done from here. I will have no money for cigarettes when the canteen opens tomorrow and may have to rely on charity until Wednesday (fuck!).
This afternoon I was allowed to go to the gym for an hour where I had a couple games of snooker (1 win, 1 loss), it was rather enjoyable and quickly killed an hour.
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