Disaster - Reg violates his conditional sentence terms

I returned to Talbot House but found that I had lost the sense of trust that I once had in the staff due to the way I was treated in Homewood. Another patient in Talbot, who I had become close friends with, was found to be using was quickly put out of the house before I even knew what happened. I tried to talk about my feelings on this in group but again I was made to feel that there was something wrong with my thinking. Relapse is a major part of addiction but it seems like the subject is taboo in treatment centres (and I feel this has something to do with their low success rate).

Thoughts of using and cravings built up inside of me and I couldn’t release them because I felt that I couldn’t openly and honestly with the staff (there was one staff member, John F., who I was getting to know, whom I felt might be able to talk to but I was unsure I would make him uncomfortable by talking about this subject. I didn’t want to be pushed away again).

Eventually on Fri. Oct 23 something inside me snapped and I took a phenobarb pill (this is what they use in detox to subdue cravings). I did not take it to get high. If I wanted to get high I would have taken cocaine or morphine, both of which are easily available on the street. I just wanted these fucking negative feelings to go away. I don’t know if they’ll ever go away but I don’t want them anymore. I just want to think like a normal person, whatever that is. I hope someday I’ll find out.

On Wednesday morning we were supposed to have our group meeting at 8:30 am. The staff came in and told us they had something urgent to deal with. Shortly afterward an RCMP car pulled up in front of the house and two officers walked into the office. I was then called in. Will C. waved a piece of paper in my face and said,

“I have the results of your urine test. You tested positive for barbiturates and are discharged from the house”.

Then I was handcuffed and taken away and now I sit writing my story, hoping everything will work out some day.

The following are the documents pertaining to this incident: